Friday Jokes: February 22

Dramatic new video shows the Mexican Navy seizing a boat carrying 630 kilos of cocaine. 620 kilos were entered into evidence; the location of the rest is unclear, although tickets are selling fast for the Mexican Navy Admiral’s Ball.

Snow fell in the Los Angeles areas of Malibu, Pasadena & West Hollywood for the first time in decades. Police department phone lines were flooded with calls from parolees asking it violated their terms of probation.

Southwest Airlines issued a nationwide “ground stop” early Friday, citing a technical issue with their computer systems. Southwest apologized for the delays and lifted the stop once they corrected the system, which supplies flight attendants with scripted terrible jokes.

Hoda Muthana, the “ISIS bride” who joined the terror group in Iraq and Syria, is suing the U.S, to allow her return. While she awaits a decision, she says she’ll keep busy writing thank-you cards to everyone who sent guns & ammo to her bridal shower.

Survivalist Bear Grylls faces fines for killing and boiling a frog in a protected national park in Bulgaria. Grylls did not have the proper permit, or proper condiments.

The world’s largest bee – Wallace’s giant bee – was spotted for the first time since 1981 by a team of researchers in Indonesia. Asked how they found it, the researchers said they were doing squats in a hotel gym and the bee appeared out of nowhere to correct their form. [h/t to Steve B for the story!]

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft has reportedly been arrested for soliciting sex in Florida. Little else is known, aside from a credit card charge for the D.J.T. V.I.P. Spa Package at Mar-A-Lago.

North, maker of smart eyeglasses that use a laser to project a display in front of wearers’ eyes, laid off over 400 people. Tech insiders doubt the function of the eyeglasses, since none of the employees saw it coming.

Kim Kardashian is suing fast-fashion brand Missguided for $10 million, claiming they ripped off a dress she wore and posted to Instagram. Kim K. is also angry at Kanye West for not ripping off her dress after she went to all that trouble looking cute.

Researchers are studying any long-term impacts to a group of 200 people in Upstate NY who had eaten venison in 2005 from a so-called “zombie” deer that tested positive for ‘Chronic Wasting Disease’. So far, all of the people are healthy and eating about the same amount of brains they always did.

 

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