Monday Jokes: May 6th

The unmarked grave of Joseph Merrick – better known as The Elephant Man — has been discovered after 130 years.  They knew it was his because the coffin was really big and misshapen at one end.

It’s Teacher Appreciation Week – so students nationwide are tying ribbons on their middle fingers before they flip ’em up behind their teacher’s back.

Duchess Meghan Markle delivered a 7-pound 3-ounce baby boy at 5:26a.m. local time. She was crowning shortly before, and the baby is a longshot to be crowned in about fifty years.

The owner of disqualified Kentucky Derby winner Maximum Security will appeal the decision. Maximum Security was shown to have jumped over a puddle and made contact with other horses, instead of laying down a blanket so girl horses could safely run through the puddle.

The maker of meatless Impossible Burgers – which will be rolled out to Burger King nationwide – says they’re running out of them. So, for the time being, they’re Nothingburgers.

E! Network cancelled actress Busy Philipps’ talk show. On May 16, they’ll air the last episode of ‘Busy Tonight’, on May 17, she will be Free Tonight.

Hallmark Channel aired new episodes of ‘When Calls The Heart’ without star Lori Loughlin. Hallmark fired Loughlin in the wake of the Operation Varsity Blues scandal, and will base their decision to hire her back on the finale of ‘When Given The Sentence’.

Uber & Lyft drivers plan to strike between 7 and 9a.m. Wednesday, as they seek to guarantee a minimum hourly wage. Women seeking an Uber or Lyft that morning are advised not to get in one that isn’t at least two hours away.

A new study found chemical sunscreens enter the bloodstream after just one day of use. The discovery was originally made after a young woman cut herself the day after visiting the beach and noticed that Coppertone smell.

Planet Fitness said it’s opening 225 new gyms, many in former Sears and Toys R Us locations. They expect to sign up thousands of out-of-shape uncool people who still visit the locations out of habit.

 

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