Tuesday Jokes: February 18th

Michael Bloomberg was declared eligible to participate in the next Democratic Party Presidential Debate. In other news, the debate moderator bought a boat.

Walmart said their Holiday 2019 shopping season “wasn’t as good as expected”. They said the first hint was when Black Friday Doorbuster concussions dropped 50% from last year.

Disney World’s iconic Cinderella Castle is getting a makeover. The news was reported by customers at an Orlando Home Depot, who saw Cinderella and Prince Charming arguing about paint colors.

Vendors are complaining about electicity costs at the Philadelphia Flower Show. 10 days of power for a booth cost $165 in 2019, and over $400 this year. The local electricians union said the added cost is protection money to rough up rats chewing power lines.

Instagram & YouTube fitness model Zoe Klopfer discovered her photographer had hidden a camera in her bathroom, capturing images of her nude and using the toilet. Klopfer has over 240,000 followers; the toilet account now has over a million.

IKEA Dubai is letting customers discount their purchase by showing how long it took them to get to the store with their Google Maps timeline. Customers traveling an hour to the store are excited to save money on products taking them four hours to assemble incorrectly.

Boy Scouts of America declared bankruptcy, after their plan to offer limited-edition Dropping Sexual Assault Lawsuit merit badges didn’t get much traction.

Chinese restaurants in major U.S. cities are claiming their business is down as much as 50% over fears of the COVID-19 coronavirus – and sales of #19 combos are almost non-existent.

White House adviser Stephen Miller married Mike Pence’s press secretary Katie Waldman on Sunday. No word on when, or if, they plan to welcome children for sacrifice to Satan.

TV hit ‘Riverdale’ is getting a spinoff, ‘Katy Keene’, which features an abundance of LGBTQ characters and story lines – like refusing to be served at Pop’s Choklit Shoppe, and taking a half-hour to explain to Moose what ‘gay’ is.

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