Friday Jokes: April 17th

Amazon is developing its own coronavirus test for workers. It’s a stick they drop in the urine-filled soda bottle they used during a 12-hour shift with no breaks.

Banksy is working from home during the COVID-19 lockdown and was concussed after blacking out from spray paint fumes.

Millions of Americans may lose their $1,200 stimulus checks to debt collectors. The debt collectors are also broke and have had to take second jobs tying damsels to railroad tracks.

Dietitians recommend whole grains, probiotics, fish, and leafy green vegetables to improve your mood during lockdown. In other news, Totinos Pizza Rolls obliterated their sales record for the second straight month.

Following an anonymous tip, 17 bodies were recovered from a New Jersey nursing home. Insiders believe the tipster was the resident who woke up one morning with 17 roommates.

Forbes magazine posted tips to keep your glasses from fogging while wearing them with a facemask. Tip #1 is to not look at porn while wearing a facemask and glasses.

Facebook added a new reaction emoji, “Care”, to its Like button. It’s a smiley face hugging a heart. Asked why there isn’t a “Don’t Care” button, Zuckerberg said you already have Hide Post, Unfollow & Unfriend.

Apple launched the iPhone SE2, a new handset priced at $399. CEO Tim Cook said the new phone is a way for poor people to feel kinda cool.

AMC Theaters is hoping to salvage operations by raising $500 million cash in a private offering – they’re selling all their leftover popcorn.

Whole Foods is converting some stores to online-only. You can place orders for two week’s worth of groceries and also complete a financing application to pay for them.


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