Friday Jokes: October 30th

Yahoo released its first Yahoo-branded smartphone, called the Yahoo ‘How Do I Return This & Get an iPhone’ Phone.

Walmart is temporarily removing guns & ammo from displays to prevent violence in the event of ‘civil unrest’ — meaning election results, or someone shooting their way out of the store with a newly stolen Xbox or PS5.

New Zealand voters approved euthanasia, but rejected recreational marijuana, in two separate referendums – disappointing terminally ill residents wanting to be stoned to death.

A winning $3 million scratch-off lottery ticket was sold at a Rite Aid pharmacy outside of Philadelphia. The pharmacy then announced they’re out of OxyContin for the near future.

McRib is returning to McDonald’s restaurants nationwide for the first time since 2012. It arrives December 2nd, to give people enough time to rest up after post-election riots so they can fight for one.

Apple One subscription bundles are available today. It costs $14.95/month and includes Apple Music, Apple TV+, Apple Arcade, iCloud, and bring-your-own arrogance & entitlement.

Kylie Jenner and friends posted Halloween party photos dressed as the Power Rangers. “May the force be with you!” she captioned the pics.

Kanye West’s 40th birthday present to wife Kim Kardashian West was a talking hologram of her father Robert Kardashian, who died in 2003. “Kim I’m so proud of you. So, what’s your stepdad Bruce up to?” asked hologram Robert.

A California patient is the first recorded case of simultaneous flu and COVID-19 infection. “Yeah, me too!” said their co-worker calling in sick for the next two weeks.

Researchers discovered table salt can break down the outer layer of COVID-19. So be sure to put some salt in your bleach before ingesting it, said Doctor Donald.

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