Tuesday Jokes: December 22nd

Burger King is launching a dollar menu called $1 Your Way. They’re also launching a two-dollar menu, where they’ll run across the street and get you McDonald’s fries.

A Connecticut woman discovered her four-year-old spent $16,000 in the Apple App Store on premium items for racing game Sonic Forces. She’s angry at Apple for not refunding her money, and angry at her kid for still sucking at the game.

Over 70 cadets at West Point Military Academy were discovered cheating during an online calculus exam. It’s the worst West Point cheating scandal in decades, equal to the 75th-worst cheating scandal at University of Phoenix this week.

Three different skiers died in two massive Colorado avalanches over the weekend. Each will be given a cowboy funeral since they died with their boots on.

Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin said $600 government stimulus checks will begin arriving a few days after Christmas, but Americans will be unable to exchange them for the $1,200 checks they really wanted.

A truck carrying propane tanks flipped and exploded on the Long Island Expressway. Multiple fire companies responded with thousands of marinated chickens.

The United States is on track to record 3.2 million deaths in 2020, the highest total ever and 400,000 more than 2019. Forecasters say a COVID-19 vaccine may cut 2021 deaths, but that reduction could also be offset by the relaunch of the Boeing 737 MAX.

Tech website cNET gave 2020 Innovation Awards to the COVID-19 vaccine and the Playstation 5 Dualsense Controller – two things most people don’t have a chance of getting until June.

As a Delta jet taxied to a departure runway at Laguardia, two passengers opened a cabin door and slid down to the tarmac along with a large service dog. The dog told cops there’s no way he could have waited to 30,000 feet to do his business.

Tiger Woods and his 11-year-old son Charlie played in the father/son PNC Championship in Florida over the weekend. Team Woods finished 7th in the tourney, and 1st getting sexts.

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