Wednesday Jokes: December 23rd

A Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputy was recorded via his collar mic having sex with a woman on the Universal Studios lot. He was fired from the Sheriffs Department, but is now executive producer of four different movies.

The White House sent instructions to staffers on preparations to depart their jobs in January. They’ve ordered 500 more cases of Diet Coke for workers to pour on their laptops.

COVID-19 has reached Antarctica, according to a seal who said he couldn’t smell or taste the penguin he just ate.

Hip-hop artist Travis Scott gave away over 2,000 toys to needy children in his hometown of Houston, then shared bedroom pictures of baby mama Kylie Jenner to their 2,000 needy dads.

Passengers from a United Airlines flight where a man died of COVID-19 claim that they, too, are exhibiting symptoms. United said they’ll try to help the passengers, but as of now they’re still in Vaccine Group 7.

Israel’s parliament failed to pass a federal budget, despite what observers call the most amazingly lengthy display of haggling they’ve ever seen.

Fast food chain KFC partnered with Intel to launch the KFConsole – a game console that keeps your chicken warm. Gamers are hoping the games are powered by voice commands, since they can’t use a controller in their grease-soaked hands.

Uber is donating 10 million rides for people getting the COVID-19 vaccine, and also giving away some extra money to passengers suing Uber for their driver’s sexual harassment on the way to getting a vaccine.

The Delta passenger who jumped out of a taxiing aircraft’s emergency exit at Laguardia Airport told police he “was about to lose control”. Luckily he was able to pull himself together long enough to slide out of a moving jet.

The Food & Drug Administration approved the use of a special genetically-modified pig to study allergic reactions in humans. However, animal rights activists are objecting to studies gauging the pig’s reactions to food at Golden Corral.

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