Thursday Jokes: March 25th

Drinking a strong cup of coffee a half-hour before exercise has been found to increase fat-burning. Drinking the same coffee during exercise increases mouth-and-skin-burning.

Demi Lovato says in her new documentary that she used crack, which presumably began during filming of her Disney Channel movie ‘Camp Rock’.

Prince’s Paisley Park estate will commemorate the 5th anniversary of his death by allowing a small number of guests to come in and view his ashes, but they won’t be told how they were made purple.

Joe Biden’s dogs Major & Champ returned to the White House following their completion of discipline training – although every Republican Senator voted against their reappointment.

California’s Hope Of The Valley mission will use a $500,000 donation from Alex Trebek’s estate to help fund a new homeless shelter. Categories include “What’s That Smell”?; ‘Where’s My Stuff?’; “Who Are You?”; and “Potpurri”.

Jay Leno apologized for past jokes that offended Asian-Americans. Larry the Cable Guy apologized for jokes that offended the intelligence of everyone who heard them.

Model Chrissy Teigen deleted her Twitter account, which had grown to over 13 million followers. She posted “Live well, tweeters. Please know all I ever cared about was you.” To which her husband and two children replied “huh?”

Discount grocer Aldi is giving employees four hours of paid time off to get COVID-19 vaccines, but they have to bring their own syringe and needle.

Pepsi and candy maker Peeps are collaborating on new Peeps-flavored Pepsi drinks. They’re calling it ‘Pepsi x Peeps’, after rejecting alternate names such as ‘Peepsi’, ‘Liquid Type 2’, and ‘Gorilla Glue For Your Teeth’.

New Zealand will now require employers offer three days’ paid leave after miscarriages – which is both a compassionate step at a difficult time, and the latest foolproof way to fake your way to a long weekend.

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