Monday Jokes: September 20th

Pfizer says its COVID vaccine is safe and effective for children as young as 5. Kindergarten teachers report an increasing number of students playing ‘house’ having domestic disputes over who’s getting it.

A gunman at a Russian university killed 8 people. He was offered a scholarship by several universities in the Southern U.S.

Actor Seth Rogen criticized the Emmy Awards for allowing attendees to sit inside without wearing masks. Rogen then went outside and treated his healthy lungs to some weed.

Amazon is releasing its new Kindle Paperwhite e-readers, following a successful field trial with women and men using them while walking 0.5mph on the treadmill you’re waiting to use at the gym.

SpaceX founder Elon Musk mocked President Joe Biden for failing to congratulate the first all-civilian SpaceX crew who orbited Earth and returned Saturday. The mission raised $200 million for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital, and even more for Musk.

Zoos are immunizing large mammals for COVID-19, deciding it’s the best route to take after multiple zookeepers lost limbs trying to put masks on tigers and gorillas.

Pregnant Kylie Jenner and baby-daddy Travis Scott took daughter Stormi to the Houston Zoo. As a rhino walked away, Stormi pointed and said “Aunt Kim!”

Former UFC fighter Jason “Mayhem” Miller was arrested and taken to a Los Angeles jail, where he was booked as Jason “Domestic Violence & Resisting Arrest” Miller.

Amazon is casting a tv commercial featuring Buffalo Bills fans, where they’ll pay a fan $1,100 to dive on, and break, a folding table. Casting agents expect to take about three years to sift through 70,000 audition videos.

A mother at a Texas school board meeting objected to a middle school library book for its depiction of anal sex. The district removed two copies of the book, but is waiting for ten more copies that kids checked out immediately following the mother’s speech.

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