Monday Jokes: November 29th

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un banned leather jackets, to keep citizens from stealing his ‘look’. This is devastating news to the motorcycle-riding former Coolest Guy in North Korea, Han-zie.

Madonna criticized Instagram for removing photos she’d posted where her nipple was visible. Instagram said it wasn’t seeing the nipple that was offensive, it was seeing the bite marks that Dennis Rodman left there.

A webcam model posing nude with an 9mm pistol shot herself in the vagina. She was treated for her injuries and given Plan B, since neither she nor the gun was using protection.

Claudia Lennear, 74, the black woman who supposedly inspired the Rolling Stones’ ‘Brown Sugar‘, said she’s sad the band no longer plays it because of its controversial lyrics. The Stones said they may play an updated song about her, ‘Brown Dust’.

A New Zealand politician rode her bicycle to the hospital while in labor, where she delivered a healthy baby girl an hour later. Her husband gave her the ‘push present’ she asked for, a new bicycle seat.

A woman allegedly breastfed a cat on a Delta Air Lines flight, and refused to stop when confronted by flight attendants. The woman said it was the only way she could get the cat to stop crying.

Jack Dorsey is stepping down as CEO of Twitter, saying he’s had enough of being a leader, now he’ll be a follower.

Panera Bread is redesigning its restaurants to focus on a cozier dining space, improved drive-thrus, and a dedicated area for customers to ponder how it is they just spent $15 on a bowl of soup and half a sandwich.

A fan crowdsurfing at a GWAR concert in L.A. lost his prosthetic leg, but was reunited with it after the band asked for help. Not so lucky were the four people losing real limbs in the mosh pit.

A Guatemalan man survived a three-hour flight from Guatemala City to Miami as a stowaway in the landing gear compartment of an American Airlines jet. He was taken into custody, where he told authorities he didn’t have the $199 it takes to fly in the same spot on Spirit Airlines.

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