Actor Clarence Gilyard, Jr. – who portrayed computer whiz Theo in Die Hard – passed away at age 66. He’s believed to have been the last surviving member of Hans Gruber’s crew, with the possible exception of that one guy who looked like Huey Lewis.

The United States plans to provide assistance as Russia continues to knock out power stations supplying heat to Ukrainian cities. President Biden has authorized sending a 10-ton shipment from the U.S.’ strategic reserve of Snuggies.

Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes and wife Brittany welcomed their second child, a boy, after he completed a successful down-and-out route.

Stowaways clung to the rudder of a tanker ship which sailed for 11 days from Nigeria to the Canary Islands. The three men decided to board the rudder, figuring they were less likely to get sick than by using the free Carnival cruise certificates they had.

An Arizona school teacher was banned from OnlyFans after filming sex in a classroom, which violated their policy against sharing sex acts filmed in a public place. “Uh oh” said a nude OnlyFans model bouncing at a SkyZone indoor trampoline park.

Former The View co-host Meghan McCain said the behavior of defeated Arizona gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake – who’s made baseless fraud claims – has been “so gross”. McCain made the comments on her new podcast ‘The Pot Talks About Kettles’.

A Minnesota woman was exposed to toxic levels of mercury from repeated use of beauty creams. You can measure her hot flashes by how high the redness gets on her forehead.

Philadelphia Police caught three men who’d stolen $40,000 worth of goods from a Verizon store in New Jersey. Meanwhile, several other men who’d robbed a Boost Mobile store looked at their loot and decided they need to rob a store with stuff people actually want.

A Florida woman is suing Kraft Heinz Foods Company for $5 million, claiming the 3-minute cooking time for Velveeta Mac & Cheese is misleading. She’s asking for a lot of money and a speedy trial, because she only has several months to live after eating so much Velveeta Mac & Cheese.

A Marine Corps veteran at a Los Angeles Lakers game was awarded Fan Of The Game when she chugged beer out of her prosthetic leg. She was given a $100 gift card, which she used to buy two more beers. She now has $30 left on the card.

Amazon is reportedly interested in acquiring Boost Mobile, in an effort to expand its relationships to more people with lousy credit.

A university study from Italy finds Twitter usage not only limits intellectual attainment, it undermines it. Their findings are being held up while they determine how to thread them in 280-character segments.

Kim Jong Un reportedly executed five government officials as punishment for a failed summit with Donald Trump, and is having a hell of a time getting someone to plan his kid’s birthday party.

Uber is investigating cases of “vomit fraud”, where drivers charge an extra $80-150 cleaning fee when vomiting never happened, or where passengers claim the dog riding with them took care of it.

A senior official for Nepal’s tourism department said they’re considering changes to limit crowding on Mount Everest, including requiring climbing experience, and letting climbers wait their turn at a new Starbucks.

Cher tweeted Donald Trump should be sexually assaulted in prison. Meanwhile, white-collar prisoners said they’d probably leave a 70-year-old alone, unless they got paid $130,000 to deny it happened.

Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge opened at Disneyland. Tragedy struck as two womp rats bullseyed by a T-16 Skyhopper turned out to be Chip & Dale, killing them both.

Tinder launched a new feature, Super Boost, which, for added fees, puts premium users in front of a list of profiles shown to possible matches for a half-hour. If that doesn’t work, there’s Super Duper Boost, which is a prostitute.

Slipknot singer Corey Taylor “blew out” his left testicle while practicing high notes. His right testicle was blown out by a VIP ticket holder after the show.

A blind autistic boy wowed the judges of America’s Got Talent with a moving piano/vocal performance, leading parents to go ahead and get their kids piano lessons and vaccines.