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Police in the Philadelphia suburbs found a handgun in a substitute teacher’s car. He said he needs it to keep students from talking during the health class movie.

Quincy College’s commencement speaker, tech CEO Rob Hale, told 400 graduates that each would receive $1,000 – $500 to keep, and $500 to donate. The Quincy College post-commencement rager received $200,000 in donations toward drugs and alcohol.

A man donating fecal bacteria to his wife was informed he had “perfect poop” and could make $15,000/year selling it. Then he celebrated the good news with dinner at Taco Bell and lost $15,000/year in potential income.

Drake’s 3-year-old son burst into tears when they went on stage at the Billboard Music Awards to accept Artist Of The Decade honors – since even the toddler thought it should be Taylor Swift or Beyonce.

Justin Bieber debuted a new buzz cut, losing his controversial white-guy dreadlocks. No word on whether he donated the hair, although he was rumored to get an offer for it from the frontman of a Counting Crows tribute band.

Kevin Spacey will portray a police detective in a new film from Italian director Franco Nero, Apacey’s first role since sexual assault allegations emerged in 2017. Spacey is excited to play a police detective instead of playing a private dick.

80 Florida high school students had their yearbook photos modified without their knowledge to cover up exposed shoulders and cleavage. The students are outraged, saying they need the original photos to get interviews at Hooters.

Samoa was thrown into a constitutional crisis after a woman, Fiame Naomi Mata’afa, was elected Prime Minister, but the incumbent had her locked out of Parliament, saying he needed Samoa time to investigate the election.

25 U.S. states have fully-vaccinated 50% of residents against COVID-19. The rest are either opposed to the vaccine, or waiting for COVID vaccine lottery jackpots to get bigger.

Damiano David, frontman for glam-rockers Maneskin, agreed to take a drug test after his band won the Eurovision 2021 international song competition. Eurovision judges said the last thing they need is to have rock bands associated with illegal drug use.

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Actor Peter Mayhew, who played Chewbacca in beloved Star Wars films, died at age 74. No cause of death was released, but it’s rumored he was upset over feedback from footage of his portrayal of Sonic the Hedgehog.

Jeff Fowler, director of the upcoming Sonic the Hedgehog movie, tweeted that the design of the Sonic character will be changed based on fan feedback, and that the title of the movie will be changed to Fortnite.

A man fell 70 feet into Hawaii’s KÏlauea volcano and survived, in what locals are calling a pretty lousy human sacrifice.

  • The man was airlifted to a local hospital, where his family expressed hope that he recovers in time for his trip to the Grand Canyon.

Baltimore Mayor Catherine Pugh resigned after she made over $500,000 selling her children’s books to entities that do business with the city. The books promote exercise, a healthy diet, and instruct Baltimore children how to pick the right gang.

Maine became the first state to ban foam food & beverage packaging. The ban takes place January 1, 2021, to allow Dunkin 19 months to find cups that won’t dissolve when their coffee is poured into them.

Just hours after hosting the Billboard Music Awards, host Kelly Clarkson was flown from Las Vegas to Los Angeles for an emergency appendectomy. Clarkson said she felt extreme stomach pain all week, but figured it was from having to listen to Paula Abdul rehearse.

Online site Wallethub released their list of the ‘Best U.S. Airlines for Flying With Pets.’ They compiled the list by bringing dogs on 15 different carriers, and seeing which ones lived through the entire flight.

Two Australian men diagnosed with measles are confirmed to have visited a McDonald’s restaurant in Kooringal, New South Wales. Officials are warning those who visited the restaurant to see a doctor, and those who are planning to visit to avoid the McMeasles Value Meal.

An elderly Melbourne, Australia couple mistakenly received a package containing 20kg of methamphetamine, valued at over $7 million. They alerted authorities because they weren’t expecting a package, and because the elderly man broke his back lifting a 20kg box.

David Allen’s bestselling book ‘Getting Things Done’ has generated legions of devoted followers to his simple productivity rule: ‘if you can do it in under two minutes, do it now.’ Although critics say it has also created legions of chronic speedy masturbators.