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Chris Christie, in a new book, accuses Jared Kushner of a political “hit job” to oust him from possible Cabinet positions, as retaliation for Christie’s prosecution of Kushner’s father years earlier. The Guardian previewed the book, noting their advance review copy had gravy stains on it.

  • The book is titled ‘Let Me Finish’ after Christie’s favorite saying when his kids try talking to him during dinner.

YouTube is banning videos of dangerous pranks and challenges, directly resulting in the cancellation of fifty cable tv shows.

A Republican lawmaker in Missouri called pregnancies resulting from rape “God’s Silver Lining”, but only after her friend talked her out of calling it “God’s Plan B.”

Motorola is reportedly bringing back the Razr as a $1500 foldable smartphone, which is still a lot of money to spend on a phone in 2006.

Steve Carell will star in a new Netflix comedy, ‘Space Force’ — proving we live in a world where Trump’s dumb ideas are realized as multi-million dollar insults before they could ever find life as multi-billion dollar government failures.

University of Alabama QB Jalen Hurts announced he’s transferring to the University of Oklahoma. Hurts will play immediately, since he obtained his degree from Alabama in December, having completed the required curriculum of watching movies about college.

The Boston Globe reports the World Series Champion Boston Red Sox will visit the White House in mid-February. It’s unclear whether they’ll go inside to the dining room or just hit the drive-thru.

Amazon upgraded its Alexa voice assistant, so that if you ask Alexa to read out the latest news from today, her voice will sound like that of a professional newscaster- unless you ask her for sports news from Boston, Philly or New York, then her voice will sound like an annoying idiot.

The One Billion Oyster project is hoping to clean New York Harbor by repopulating it with oysterseach of which can purify up to 50 gallons of water a day before they’re harvested and eaten by New Yorkers who will vomit them back in to New York Harbor.

A mother giraffe gave birth to a calf at Disney World – horrifying families in attendance at the Princess Breakfast.

 

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Facebook announced that they will no longer permit advertisers to target users based on their race or ethnicity. This is causing confusion and anger among older white women in the Midwest who don’t know why they’re seeing ads for braided wigs, oversized condoms and menthol cigarettes.

A meta-analysis combining 185 studies in which semen was collected over the past 40 years found that sperm concentration in men has steadily declined over a generation. “See baby we don’t need a condom” said men sharing a PowerPoint graph of the study findings with women they met at the bar.

An experimental Alzheimer’s drug, an antibody called BAN2401, is stirring hope after early trials. The drug provided an improvement of 26-30% in patient cognition over a placebo, meaning 26-30 participants actually remembered what study they were in.

The Boston Globe reported that the Necco Wafer candy factory has been abruptly closed — a huge relief to children who pretended to be grateful when given Necco Wafers by their grandparents.

Scientists discovered a liquid lake on Mars – they assume it’s where Martians piss while they’re on vacation.

A Cubs fan at Wrigley Field was struck by a metal tile that fell from the hand-operated center field scoreboard. The man required five staples to close a cut, which he received after singing Take Me Out To The Emergency Room.

Samsung is expected to announce the Galaxy Note 9 in a couple of weeks. It’s rumored to have a 4,000mAh battery, its largest ever. Experts say that’s the longest battery life of any mobile phone, expected to burn up to 12 hours.

Tammy DuBois, 52, of Pittsgrove, New Jersey was treated at an area hospital after she was attacked by a rabid fox and killed it with her bare hands. New Jerseyans have now taken to a new expression: “crazy like Tammy DuBois”. [story h/t to JL!]

Sombra, a drug-sniffing German Shepherd dog working for Colombian police – that has found 10 tons of cocaine trafficked by the Urabenos cartel – has been moved for its own safety after Urabenos made death threats. The dog’s fur was dyed blond and it now answers to ‘Sally’.

Waymo self-driving car service is offering to take customers on round-trips to pick up merchandise at WalMart. The move is being hailed as a breakthrough by chronic shoplifters that don’t own a car.

 

 

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Delta Airlines agreed to purchase up to 200 new Airbus jets.  The first jets are set to be delivered in 2020, but Delta told Airbus not to rush, they’re not really all that concerned with on-time arrivals.

Two Florida women accused of shoplifting in Best Buy by placing items in an empty baby stroller were caught after crashing their getaway car. One of the thieves made a last ditch effort to fool arresting officers by breast-feeding a stolen Xbox.

Both Steve Bannon and President Trump have urged Roy Moore to concede defeat to Doug Jones in the race for U.S. Senate earlier this week. Moore has yet to do so, saying he’s awaiting results of a recount and that he left his phone in his horse’s saddlebag.

Reports suggest that Kim Jong Un’s top military aide, Vice Marshal Hwang Pyong-so, has been executed. Hwang was last seen on October 13th modeling his Donald Trump Halloween costume and asking around about Christmas bonuses.

ABC’s Robin Roberts bid a snarky ‘Bye Felicia’ to outgoing Trump aide Omarosa Manigault Newman, leading Omarosa to reply by calling Roberts ‘petty’ and declaring ‘black woman civil war – the first civil war ever declared over black women’.

Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is rumored to be retiring from politics at the end of 2018 – a move expected to leave GOP congressmen scrambling to find a new leader for midday P90X sessions.

400 Subway franchise owners signed a petition protesting the planned return of the sandwich chain’s $5 Footlong promotion in January, saying that their profits are already strained from switching to chemical-free bread and using real mayonnaise instead of drywall spackle.

Facebook is adding a 30-day ‘Snooze’ button so that you can take a break from a person, page or group, after research showed users preferred telling annoying Facebookers they were asleep instead of saying they unfriended them.

Peyton Manning surprised travelers at Denver International Airport when he dropped in on a football trivia contest being held there. He missed the first six questions and was benched in favor of a traveling hardware salesman whose flight was delayed by snow.

A Boston Globe report states that women working at ESPN face a culture of rampant sexism and hostility. The report claims several women went so far as to try and hide their pregnancies, but keen-eyed Jon Gruden used super slo-mo and a telestrator to highlight their concealed baby bumps.