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Leonard Serrani, owner of a Brazilian waxing salon in Wayne Township, PA, is accused of inappropriate contact with multiple clients, who accuse him of waxing off.

Lehigh University’s ‘Lehigh Lightsaber Club’ students commemorated May 4th, ‘Star Wars Day’ with a costumed gathering. In turn, the Lehigh University football team marked the occasion by beating up everyone in the Lightsaber Club.

Fans accuse Kardashian matriarch-slash-‘momager’ Kris Jenner of ‘Ozempic body’ after seeing photos showing her weight loss. Jenner denies using the injection, saying she had her fat liposuctioned out so her daughters could fill their lips with it.

The leader of Wagner Group, a team of Russian mercenaries hired to fight in the attempted takeover of Ukraine, said he’s pulling his fighters out due to lack of ammunition. They were seen boarding trucks leaving Ukraine’s Bakhmut region after turning in their Nerf guns.

A jury found Ed Sheeran not guilty of plagiarizing Marvin Gaye’s ‘Let’s Get It On‘. Now, jurors are suing for emotional damages after having to listen to Sheeran repeatedly sing during his testimony.

A New Zealand woman discovered the pimple on the end of her nose was cancerous. She’s in good health after a surgical team popped her cancer.

Pranksters mowed the shape of a giant penis into a large lawn where a party for King Charles’ Coronation is set to take place. It’s expected to be the second-biggest dick at the party after Piers Morgan.

A 51-year-old New York woman was arrested twice for drunk driving in the span of three hours. The arresting officer said she failed the second breathalyzer, but honestly aced the second field sobriety test because she’d been practicing.

A Florida man entered a women’s poker tournament at the Seminole Hard Rock Casino and won. His good luck continued when he met a woman after collecting his winnings and pulled off an inside straight.

Jenny Craig is closing for good. The business will lose 1,000 people, or about 150,000 pounds.

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The Producers Guild of America approved guidelines for combating sexual harassment in the entertainment industry. The guidelines ask that each production be vigilant in preventing harassment, that whistleblowers be protected, and that producers keep their whistles in their pants.

Delta Airlines says they’re cracking down on passengers’ emotional support animals; this, following a mid-flight argument between a flight attendant and a pug who wanted the whole can of Alpo.

  • United Airlines says they’re also cracking down on animal companions; only by ‘cracking down’ United means they’re breaking the animal in to pieces and sending it on to baggage claim with no further explanation.

Cape Town could be the first major city in the world to run out of water. Residents must limit their showers to one-and-a-half minutes. “No problem!” said Cape Town men who like to have sex in the shower.

Singer Ed Sheeran announced that he was secretly engaged. Fiancee Cherry Seaborn announced that she secretly called it off.

Former ‘Jersey Shore’ star Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino arrived in a New Jersey court to plead guilty to tax evasion. He’ll film a ‘Jersey Shore’ reunion before returning to court as Mike ‘Five Years In The Joint’ Sorrentino.

Kim Kardashian West and Kanye West named their new baby daughter ‘Chicago’ — leaving pregnant sisters Kylie and Khloe to duke it out between ‘Detroit’ and ‘Cleveland’.

Baltimore Mayor Catherine Pugh fired the crime-ridden city’s Police Commissioner Kevin Davis. Davis was reportedly given just a few minutes at his office to clean out his unregistered guns and bribes.

A new Boston University study concludes that chronic brain disease CTE isn’t caused by concussions, but rather by repeated hits to the head, even without concussion. The study authors warn parents to be vigilant looking for CTE symptoms in children who are athletes, or frequent noogie recipients.

President Trump, addressing the ‘March for Life’ event, called on the U.S. Senate to outlaw abortions after 20 weeks.  “Sure, if that includes your term” said Democratic Senators, in what observers of burns are calling ‘a layup’.

Congress was unable to avert a U.S. Government Shutdown. Callers to the White House received this voice message: “”Unfortunately, we cannot answer your call today because Congressional Democrats are holding govt. funding, including funding for our troops and other national security priorities, hostage to an unrelated immigration debate. Oh, and if this is Grubhub ask the guards to take the Big Macs inside.”