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North Korean leader Kim Jong Un banned leather jackets, to keep citizens from stealing his ‘look’. This is devastating news to the motorcycle-riding former Coolest Guy in North Korea, Han-zie.

Madonna criticized Instagram for removing photos she’d posted where her nipple was visible. Instagram said it wasn’t seeing the nipple that was offensive, it was seeing the bite marks that Dennis Rodman left there.

A webcam model posing nude with an 9mm pistol shot herself in the vagina. She was treated for her injuries and given Plan B, since neither she nor the gun was using protection.

Claudia Lennear, 74, the black woman who supposedly inspired the Rolling Stones’ ‘Brown Sugar‘, said she’s sad the band no longer plays it because of its controversial lyrics. The Stones said they may play an updated song about her, ‘Brown Dust’.

A New Zealand politician rode her bicycle to the hospital while in labor, where she delivered a healthy baby girl an hour later. Her husband gave her the ‘push present’ she asked for, a new bicycle seat.

A woman allegedly breastfed a cat on a Delta Air Lines flight, and refused to stop when confronted by flight attendants. The woman said it was the only way she could get the cat to stop crying.

Jack Dorsey is stepping down as CEO of Twitter, saying he’s had enough of being a leader, now he’ll be a follower.

Panera Bread is redesigning its restaurants to focus on a cozier dining space, improved drive-thrus, and a dedicated area for customers to ponder how it is they just spent $15 on a bowl of soup and half a sandwich.

A fan crowdsurfing at a GWAR concert in L.A. lost his prosthetic leg, but was reunited with it after the band asked for help. Not so lucky were the four people losing real limbs in the mosh pit.

A Guatemalan man survived a three-hour flight from Guatemala City to Miami as a stowaway in the landing gear compartment of an American Airlines jet. He was taken into custody, where he told authorities he didn’t have the $199 it takes to fly in the same spot on Spirit Airlines.

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A pet pig in Indianapolis is being hailed as a hero for scaring off burglars during a break-in. The homeowners were away at the time. Police investigating the crime say that the criminals were either scared away by the pig, or by the way the house looked while the pig lived there alone.

Apple is the first U.S. publicly-traded company to reach $1 trillion in value. Analysts say Apple shares are so valuable because – unlike Apple phones – you can actually expect them to keep working for you 18 months after you buy them.

The GirlCrew app is gaining popularity – it works like Tinder, only it allows women to find new platonic female friends to hang out with. GirlCrew currently enjoys a four-star rating on the Apple App Store, despite some one-star ratings from disappointed lesbians.

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders refused to say that the press is not “the enemy of the people”, despite repeated prodding from CNN’s Jim Acosta at Thursday’s briefing. Her performance was criticized by members of the press, and by Fonzie, who said he finally learned to say when he was “wrong”.

San Francisco’s Café X is using robot baristas to make specialty coffees. The robots are programmed to ask regulars how their screenplay is coming; use motion sensors to call the cops on anyone who doesn’t move for an hour; and can lift a 25-pound dumbbell attached to the restroom key.

Dozens of goats are roaming unsupervised in a Boise, Idaho neighborhood, presumably because – like many Boise residents – they can’t find anything fun to do.

Texas Rangers second baseman Rougned Odor became the first player in MLB history to draw five walks in a game and also hit a home run – making him an extremely pleasant Odor.

Amazon is purging its Marketplace from extremist merchandise after it was found merchants were selling products with white nationalist branding. The products included baby ‘onesies’ with cross-burning imagery and swastika pendants. The move left residents of Wilkes Barre PA scrambling for apparel to wear to Thursday’s Trump rally.

A New Mexico father was jailed following a viral video of him encouraging his 12-year-old daughter to beat up another girl. The man announced plans to leave the area upon his release, and move to a city where they have youth hockey.

The Social Security Administration listed its Top 1,000 baby names. In 2017, only 51 girls in the U.S. were named ‘Isis’. And they’re all having a reeeeeeallly hard time getting play dates.

 

 

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Ford introduced its first F-150 Police Truck. Police departments purchasing the truck have been bombarded with 911 calls from people asking for help moving into their new place.

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer abruptly resigned, as President Trump named Anthony Scaramucci to be his new Communications Director. Trump has, in effect, replaced Ralph Malph with The Fonz.

The school board of Three Rivers, Texas has voted to allow parents to opt-in to having misbehaving children punished by spanking with a wooden paddle. If parents opt out of the paddling, their children will be punched, instead.

A Michigan woman was convicted of her husband’s murder, in a case where the man’s parrot – in the room at the time of his death – repeated the phrase “don’t (bleeping) shoot”. The woman awaits sentencing, and the parrot has entered the Witness Protection Program in an undisclosed zoo.

Cleveland Cavaliers guard Kyrie Irving has asked to be traded, shocking some NBA insiders, while also not shocking people who think it’s normal to want out of Cleveland.

A Texas company recalled its coffee after discovering it contained high levels of a Viagra-like substance. In doing so, it solved the mystery of men in their 50s and 60s flooding area hospitals with latte overdoses.

The bag Neil Armstrong used to collect moon rocks and dust during the Apollo 11 mission sold at auction for $1.8 million, less than the $2-4 million forecast. The buyer claimed that the bag was pretty dirty.

For the first time ever, China will import rice from the United States. Reacting to the windfall, Uncle Ben bought a new boat.

Jack Daniels will introduce a whiskey commemorating the slave who originally taught Daniels how to make whiskey. Look for ‘Some Black Dude Special Reserve’ on store shelves soon.

Ole Miss head football coach Hugh Freeze resigned, after and investigation found that he placed a 1-minute phone call to an escort service. The call would have been longer than a minute, but the escort told him there was no way she was going to Mississippi.

Two Baltimore police officers plead guilty to committing armed robberies and filing false claims for overtime. The cops argued that the overtime claims were valid, since they were at the scene of an armed robbery.

President Trump nominated Sam Clovis – a man with no scientific background – to head up science at the Department of Agriculture, despite regulations requiring the hire be “from among distinguished scientists”. Trump argued that what distinguishes Clovis is that he’s not a scientist.