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Tom Brady became a minority owner of the WNBA Las Vegas Aces, after loaning the team bus fare to get home from a game he attended.

According to Forbes magazine, Jay-Z is now worth an estimated $2.5 billion, and is down to fewer than 29 problems.

An Army veteran who bought his wife a Maserati for $68,000 on Carvana found out the car was stolen. He’s suing Carvana for $1 million in damages, but in the meantime will keep selling military secrets to raise money for another exotic car.

The New York grand jury hearing Donald Trump’s hush-money case will have the weekend off. They’ve been instructed not to discuss the case, and not to accept the all-expenses-paid 3-night vacation at Mar a Lago.

A 24-year-old woman bit and kicked police as she was carried off a Frontier Airlines jet in Miami boarding for Philadelphia. She faces several felony & misdemeanor charges, and, upon arrival in Philadelphia, will receive the Key to the City.

Blac Chyna revealed she quit sharing nudes on OnlyFans because she became a born-again Christian and ‘God wouldn’t want me doing it’. Also, God and everyone else who cancelled subscriptions saw all there is to see during her two years on the platform.

Mathematicians discovered a new, unique shape that can tile a wall or floor and create infinite patterns that never repeat. It’s coming soon to hardware stores and your next failed do-it-yourself project.

The CEO of a tech startup that inspects boat hulls with underwater drones is accused of peeping on women in a Panera bathroom. His denies wrongdoing and said the drone was doing a test run in the ladies toilet.

A radio DJ’s body was found several weeks after he went missing – so the person discovering the body won Matchbox Twenty tickets in Wild 94.9’s Scavenger Hunt.

Transgender cyclist Tiffany Thomas won the Randalls Island Crit – putting her over the 20-win mark since she began racing in her 40s in 2018. Her excitement was evident atop the medal stand as shown by her triumphant raised arms and the bulge in her bike shorts.

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Apple named the most popular apps of 2019. The number one paid iPad app was digital design tool Procreate. The number one iPad activity was watching couples Procreate on porn sites.

Ring admitted they gave police departments maps of installed video doorbells for over a year. They also admitted giving maps of failed video doorbell installs to electricians who actually know what they’re doing.

  • Police departments say they only use the doorbell footage to investigate crime, but dogs say it violates their privacy while they piss on the front steps.

Sony Playstation received a Guinness World Record for top-selling gaming console of all time. The award was accepted by Crash Bandicoot, who then jumped to his death.

Forbes Magazine claims studio execs in charge of the DC Cinematic Universe don’t know what to do with the ‘Superman’ franchise to make him relevant to modern audiences. They’re considering having the Man of Steel identify as Wonder Woman.

North Korea warned the United States if nuclear talks aren’t resumed by December 31st, the U.S. can expect a “nasty Christmas gift.” In related news, North Korea prepaid shipping to the District of Columbia for thousands of Chia Pets.

Chicago’s Police Superintendent, Eddie Johnson, was fired following an investigation of an October incident where he fell asleep behind the wheel of his SUV. Johnson claimed he had changed his blood pressure medication – from Diovan to Hennessy.

McDonald’s is testing a new fried chicken sandwich in two cities – Houston, Texas and Knoxville, Tennessee.  Houston & Knoxville were selected after representatives from each city won title fights in Popeye’s parking lots.

Growers of the new ‘Cosmic Crisp’ apple say it can last up to a year. They’ve even devised a system where grocery store produce managers message you a year after you buy them, reminding you to throw them out.

Marvel Studios released the first teaser trailer for ‘Black Widow’, along with teaser excuses why it won’t sell as many tickets as their other movies.

WalletHub compiled a list of the 20 Least Safe Cities in the U.S. The most unsafe city in the country? St. Louis. It’s so bad that there, WalletHub changed its name to StolenWalletHub.

 

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Gayle King interviewed R. Kelly for CBS, the same week her friend Oprah Winfrey interviewed men who allege sexual abuse by Michael Jackson. The phrase “girrll pleeeease” is expected to be said several times when King & Winfrey meet up.

A North Carolina artist reimagined Disney Princesses as modern-day adults with careers. For instance, Mulan is a Title IX lawyer, Sleeping Beauty is a coffee company CEO, and Ariel is a pop star/record producer navigating the sexist music industry where men want to play her scales.

An anonymous winner claimed the largest U.S. lottery prize in history, an $878 million Mega Millions jackpot. As a resident of South Carolina, the winner plans to invest the funds in the world’s largest backyard above-ground pool and trampoline.

President Trump called Jay Barrett of West Haven, Connecticut, a Trump supporter reportedly on his death bed, who wanted to talk to the President before he died. The White House was praised for its response, and for its savvy filtering out dying citizens who also want to speak to Trump to tell him to f**k off once before they go.

Forbes Magazine declared cosmetics mogul Kylie Jenner the youngest-ever “self-made billionaire”, followed by intense debate regarding how much of Kylie’s wealth is self-made, and how much is implants.

Women alleging sexual assault at properties promoted by Trip Advisor claim that, when they complained, Trip Advisor told them to mention the sexual assault in “negative reviews”. Most of the women were angered by the advice, though some complied with reviews like “Almost Died, But Soft, Plentiful Towels”.

Oscar winner Rami Malek is rumored to be the villain in the 25th James Bond film. Few details are available, although the villain is said to speak in an emotionless monotone that bores people to death.

Fitbit introduced new, less-expensive wearable fitness trackers, as part of its ongoing effort to be more cost-competitive with cheeseburgers.

Team Brad Rutter won the $1 million grand prize in Jeopardy’s All-Star Team Challenge, as America welcomes the return of traditional Jeopardy!, where you can make fun of contestants who you think might actually be dumber than you.

Family Dollar plans to close 400 stores. Sales failed to meet forecasts due to a declining trend in depressing children’s birthday parties in the Deep South.