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A park in Central Florida is closed during snake mating season, as snakes form ‘breeding balls’ where multiple males mate with a single female. While people can’t watch in person, Florida Fish & Game officials are making it available for $9.95 on pay-per-view.

An Oregon comedian was fired for illegally fleeing the MS Westerdam cruise ship, which is quanantined with coronavirus. Several passengers have developed a dry, persistent hack, and also describe the comedian as a dry, persistent hack. [Story h/t to Dave P.]

During the Democratic Presidential Debate, Elizabeth Warren accused Mike Bloomberg of calling women “fat broads” and “horse-faced lesbians”. Bloomberg then asked Warren how she was able to read his old employee performance reviews.

Researchers have devised a way to use discarded McDonald’s cooking oil as a plastic resin in 3D printers. They hope that one day it can be used to improve amputees lives by 3D printing prosthetic limbs that smell like french fries.

Kelly Ripa discussed her recent decision to stop drinking alcohol. “I felt better, so I just stopped.” Her decision has inspired thousands of others who now feel better because they just stopped.. watching ‘Live with Kelly & Ryan’.

Fitbit trackers may soon be updated to detect sleep apnea. When someone snores in the middle of the night, the Fitbit on their spouse’s wrist will track the number of punches they throw to get them to stop.

Cord-cutting accelerated in 2019, as more & more Americans cancelled their cable video service. Comcast said they welcome cord-cutting, and will assist their customers in doing so by selling them a pair of wire cutters for just $149.

Walmart denies asking a woman and her 22-year-old autistic son to leave a Pennsylvania store because the non-verbal son was making loud noises. The mother claims a worker told them he was disturbing customers’ shopping and other employees’ sleeping.

Croydon, New Hampshire fired its only policeman at a town meeting, telling him to surrender his patrol car and uniform. He did, leaving the meeting wearing only boots, a hat and his underwear. Police in the next town over were called to investigate a man who robbed a Croydon 7-Eleven wearing only a hat, boots and underwear.

The jury in the Harvey Weinstein trial entered the third day of deliberations, equalling the amount of time women deliberated over whether they should have sex with a rich guy as disgusting as Harvey Weinstein.

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Saudis deny involvement in leaks of Jeff Bezos’ private photos, saying his story is pretty boring since a multibillionaire with one wife and one mistress is really just a Starter Kit.

‘This Is America’ won Song of the Year at last night’s Grammy Awards — paving the way for the grand opening of the new Childish Gambino Cabaret Theater in Branson, Missouri.

Senator Elizabeth Warren announced she’s running for President. She’d been delaying her announcement until the weather was favorable enough for smoke signals to be seen from a great distance.

A New Zealand restaurant apologized when a server presented a receipt marked ‘Asians’ to a table, presumably to distinguish them from other patrons. The diners complained, and they were presented with a new receipt marked ‘Angry Asians’.

The U.S. Army described their specifications for the Next Generation Squad Weapon [NGSW], a high-tech rifle for future fighting forces. They say it will boost hit probability at long range, adjust for atmospheric conditions, and stop firing when it hears school bells ring.

Jennifer Aniston turned 50, making her eligible to star in romantic comedies opposite Robert Deniro.

Sportscaster Bob Costas claims he was fired by NBC Sports and prevented from hosting Super Bowl 52 because he spoke openly about concussions. Peers and fans alike defended Costas, saying he isn’t the only one wanting to concuss Cris Collinsworth.

Samsung is hosting a press conference on February 20, in which they’re expected to show off a new folding smartphone. Consumers are wary, thinking that once unfolded, it will be impossible to fold it back the right way ever again.

Dating app Bumble introduced ‘Spotlight’, its own version of Tinder’s ‘Boost’, where users can pay extra to have their profiles moved up to the front of the queue for 30 minutes. Bumble claims that, so far, it’s been a huge hit with rich ugly men.

McDonald’s added Donut Sticks to its McCafe Menu. They’ll only be available during breakfast hours, but if you insist on something sweet and bad for you after 10:30a.m., they’ll dump sugar on your french fries.

 

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An 18 year-old competitor in the Wimbledon Junior Men’s Draw was ordered by tournament officials to change his underwear before a match, to comply with the All England Club’s ‘all-white’ apparel rules. The player complied, and swore off eating Taco Bell.

A security breach resulted in 6 million Verizon customers’ personal data being leaked online. The customers’ identities can now be stolen with 99% reliability.

NASA’s Juno mission has returned images and other data from Jupiter, with NASA scientists claiming Jupiter is nothing like they expected it to be.  Jupiter plans to update its Tinder profile.

Earlier this week an Evangelical group met with President Trump in the Oval Office. The members prayed with him, with some ‘laying hands’ on Trump, at least until the burning sensation overcame them and forced them to pull their hands away.

President Trump visited France at the invitation of newly-elected French President Macron. Along with their wives, they toured Napoleon’s Tomb. Trump said of the visit that Napoleon is both a “high quality person” and “one of his favorite ice creams.”

GOP Senators unveiled their newest draft health care bill on Thursday. Analysts say the bill features low-cost plans at bare-bones prices, while critics say the plans aren’t even health insurance, they’re just memberships to Planet Fitness.

TIME magazine provided a sneak peek at its upcoming cover, featuring Donald Trump Jr with red hands. TIME famously put President Trump on its cover as Person of the Year; Trump Jr may end up being Person Sentenced to Several Years.

Republican Senator Chuck Grassley sent a letter to Donald Trump Jr asking that he testify before the Senate Judiciary committee about his meeting with a Russian lawyer. Grassley said he would have emailed, but that he didn’t want, like, the whole world to see it.

A ‘Kid Rock for Senate’ website has emerged, leading to speculation that Kid Rock will run for a Senate seat in his home state of Michigan. Sarah Palin and Ted Nugent swiftly volunteered to join the ticket as Vice Senators, before being told there is no such thing.

Thursday is National French Fry Day — which is like Prime Day, only for heart disease.

The left tackle on Kansas State’s football team has come out as gay. He described the response to his announcement as overwhelming love and support – despite coming from the blind side.