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Google introduced its new Pixel 3 smartphones, citing their highly sophisticated artificial intelligence tools. Google added that the artificial intelligence tools can be disabled by dropping the phone on the sidewalk.

Rumors are circulating that Ivanka Trump is being considered to replace Nikki Haley as U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations. The White House cites Ivanka’s extensive international diplomacy experience hiring children to work in factories for her now-defunct apparel line.

Multilingual imbecile and bully-enabling anti-bullying crusader Melania Trump claims that her offers to assist international aid organizations are ignored because of her marriage to Donald Trump. Aid organizations replied, for the 100th time, starving children don’t need gently-used designer shoes and clothing.

A flight from Detroit to Shanghai was diverted back to Detroit for a passenger medical emergency, but arrived too late and the passenger was pronounced dead on arrival. The FAA said it was the first time ever that someone was dying to get to Detroit.

The New York Yankees were eliminated by the Boston Red Sox, three games to one, in the American League divisional playoffs. After the game, George Steinbrenner emerged from beyond the grave In Yankee Stadium’s Monument Park to fire manager Aaron Boone.

The New York Times profiled Anthony Mancinelli, a 107-year-old barber who works full-time cutting hair from Noon to 8pm every day.. that he’s not appearing in civil court for causing concussions and extensive cranial bleeding.

Taylor Swift appeared at the American Music Awards on Tuesday night, claiming three more to bring her lifetime total to 22 – passing Whitney Houston’s female artist record of 21, and a comfortable 22-trophy lead ahead of Mambo No. 5’s Lou Bega.

Hurricane Michael may make landfall in the Florida panhandle as a Category 4 storm, the worst to hit that area in over 100 years. “Wait, which state are we again?” asked worried residents of Mississippi.

Frontier Airlines removed a female passenger prior to a flight from Orlando to Cleveland for bringing her emotional support squirrel on board.  Several other passengers asked if they could borrow the squirrel so they, too, could get kicked off and rebooked on a better airline.

Accused sexual assailant Harvey Weinstein lost one of his defense attorneys due to an argument over the bill, proving that Weinstein is still working on understanding priorities.

A 14-year-old is suing McDonald’s for over $1 million, claiming that spilled hot water caused severe burns. McDonald’s said it was part of their free Fry-day promotion.

 

 

 

 

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An off-duty Cincinnati police officer working security at a Kroger grocery tasered an 11-year-old girl suspected of shoplifting. The girl was charged with theft, treated and released at a local hospital, and is said to be bummed out that the Sour Patch Kids she stole melted from the electricity.

McDonald’s will select one random user of its app between August 10 and August 24 to be a McGold Card holder, winning free McDonald’s food for the rest of their life, or about two years.

New York City voted to freeze the number of Lyft and Uber vehicles operating within city limits. City council members said NYC will treat Uber & Lyft vehicles like taxis – meaning their air conditioning will be broken, credit card payments won’t work, and non-white passengers are pretty much on their own.

A Frontier Airlines employee spent the night in an Atlanta hotel with two children, ages 9 & 7, who were traveling as unaccompanied minors on a flight from Des Moines to Orlando that was diverted to Atlanta because of weather. The kids’ parents were mortified, and angry that Frontier charged them for the kids’ meals, and fees since the children qualified as checked baggage.

Beach volleyball players in Alabama inadvertently destroyed hundreds of baby Tern bird eggs when they moved them to clear space for their game, according to the Birmingham Audubon Society. Since then, fences have been erected to protect other nests, but angry bird protesters still are popping volleyballs with their beaks.

Google launched ‘Cameos’, a video Q&A app aimed at celebrities, to permit them to answer fans’ biggest, most frequently asked questions using video. So far, John Travolta has filmed 500 Cameos saying he isn’t gay.

Facebook has launched Mentorships, a free service that will pair people who need help or guidance with those providing it. They immediately shut down the accounts of hundreds of ‘mentors’ offering to help women pick out the clothes they’ll wear that day.

Amazon is introducing Alexa Auto, an extension of its digital assistant in to cars, where Alexa will badger drivers to slow down, ask for directions and stop for rest room breaks.

McDonald’s opened a new 19,000 square foot, glass-enclosed restaurant in Chicago that looks like an Apple Store. It features table service, ordering kiosks, a McGenius Bar where a high-school dropout tells you how to work the Coke Freestyle machine, and high-tech restroom urinals for vandals to poop in.

Lauren Cutshaw, a 32-year-old South Carolina woman pulled over for DUI, tried to talk her way out of it by saying she’s a “very clean, thoroughbred, white girl”. She was still arrested after she blew a .18 blood alcohol content, but after being freed on bail she accepted a job as Trump 2020 Campaign Chairperson for South Carolina.