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Wild deer have been found with coronavirus antibodies. The deer feel pretty good about their chances with COVID-19, they just wish people would stop shooting them and hitting them with cars.

Former Fleetwood Mac guitarist/vocalist Lindsey Buckingham said in an interview that “almost everyone” would be happy to have him back in the band. He wouldn’t articulate who wouldn’t want him back, but it rhymes with Skeevy Ticks.

Guns N’ Roses kicked off a new tour. Shares of the company that owns Jack Daniels rose 2000% in early trading.

A new study links alcohol use to cancer. People find out they have cancer, then get loaded.

The owner of Scholastic, who died suddenly in June, left the $1.2 billion educational publishing company to his former lover and cut his family out of his will. It’s being called Scholastic’s hardest lesson.

Flight attendants on a Frontier Airlines flight duct-taped an unruly passenger to his seat after he groped their breasts and punched one. Spirit Airlines expressed regret at losing one of their Platinum Elite frequent-flyer members.

ABC Network announced that all of the American Idol judges & host – Katy Perry, Luke Bryan, Lionel Richie & Ryan Seacrest – will return next season. Which is more than you can say for the winner of American Idol, who everyone’s forgotten already.

CVS Pharmacy raised its minimum wage to $15 and eliminated education requirements for some positions. They were immediately flooded with applications from high-school dropouts for jobs handling drugs.

Barack Obama canceled his planned 60th birthday party on Martha’s Vineyard due to surging COVID-19 cases. So Donald Trump shipped the gift-wrapped box of dog poop to New York Governor Andrew Cuomo instead.

Visitors to New Jersey shore beaches have been marveling at how clear the water has been recently, saying you can now see all the medical waste, and the stream when nearby swimmers are pissing.

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Facebook announced they’ll block any new political or issue ads in the week before the November 3rd election. In response, the Russian government announced they’re taking that week off.

Samsung announced the Galaxy Fit 2, a fitness tracker that will run for two weeks on a single charge – which is two weeks more running than the people who get it as a gift.

Two gigantic black holes collided and collapsed into one another, forming a single, massive black hole 150 times more massive than the Earth’s sun. Donald Trump declared the new black hole a terror organization and called on supporters to kill it.

The Centers for Disease Control is telling U.S. states to prepare for distribution of a COVID-19 vaccine by early November. They’re offering free shipping, and free returns when they learn it doesn’t work.

Chili’s restaurant is honoring the start of the new school year with a $5 “Jack To School” margarita, made with Jack Daniels, tequila, sour mix and sugar. They’ll even deliver it to homeschooling parents starting at 9a.m. each weekday.

New York City reopened traditional gyms with new safety guidelines, but group fitness classes are still prohibited. Women are adjusting to the new normal of being hit on from six feet away.

A man fishing the Sacramento River in California hooked what turned out to be a live pipe bomb. But since he’s a catch-and-release fisherman, he returned it and blew up a dozen trout and both his feet.

150 guests tested positive for COVID-19 at the world’s largest nudist resort in France. Health officials blame the guests’ refusal to wear masks on their face and buttocks.

An Amazon delivery driver saved a drowning dog in Massachusetts. The dog will be reunited with its owner in about a week since they’re not a Prime member.

Walmart launched a $98 subscription membership service to compete with Amazon Prime. They plan to launch a competing video service as soon as Madea and Larry the Cable Guy can finish 20 more movies each.

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Ford introduced its first F-150 Police Truck. Police departments purchasing the truck have been bombarded with 911 calls from people asking for help moving into their new place.

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer abruptly resigned, as President Trump named Anthony Scaramucci to be his new Communications Director. Trump has, in effect, replaced Ralph Malph with The Fonz.

The school board of Three Rivers, Texas has voted to allow parents to opt-in to having misbehaving children punished by spanking with a wooden paddle. If parents opt out of the paddling, their children will be punched, instead.

A Michigan woman was convicted of her husband’s murder, in a case where the man’s parrot – in the room at the time of his death – repeated the phrase “don’t (bleeping) shoot”. The woman awaits sentencing, and the parrot has entered the Witness Protection Program in an undisclosed zoo.

Cleveland Cavaliers guard Kyrie Irving has asked to be traded, shocking some NBA insiders, while also not shocking people who think it’s normal to want out of Cleveland.

A Texas company recalled its coffee after discovering it contained high levels of a Viagra-like substance. In doing so, it solved the mystery of men in their 50s and 60s flooding area hospitals with latte overdoses.

The bag Neil Armstrong used to collect moon rocks and dust during the Apollo 11 mission sold at auction for $1.8 million, less than the $2-4 million forecast. The buyer claimed that the bag was pretty dirty.

For the first time ever, China will import rice from the United States. Reacting to the windfall, Uncle Ben bought a new boat.

Jack Daniels will introduce a whiskey commemorating the slave who originally taught Daniels how to make whiskey. Look for ‘Some Black Dude Special Reserve’ on store shelves soon.

Ole Miss head football coach Hugh Freeze resigned, after and investigation found that he placed a 1-minute phone call to an escort service. The call would have been longer than a minute, but the escort told him there was no way she was going to Mississippi.

Two Baltimore police officers plead guilty to committing armed robberies and filing false claims for overtime. The cops argued that the overtime claims were valid, since they were at the scene of an armed robbery.

President Trump nominated Sam Clovis – a man with no scientific background – to head up science at the Department of Agriculture, despite regulations requiring the hire be “from among distinguished scientists”. Trump argued that what distinguishes Clovis is that he’s not a scientist.