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Paris Hilton posted a picture of her baby son, Phoenix, then slammed online trolls for their ‘sick’ criticism of his large head. She said she’s hurt, but not as badly as Phoenix’s surrogate mother who had to squeeze the head out.

An off-duty Alaska Airlines pilot riding in the cockpit of a Horizon Air commuter jet is charged with attempted murder after trying to shut off the engines mid-flight. He said he was trained to do it to save fuel when he worked for Spirit Airlines.

Madonna told her concert audience in Belgium mid-show that she doesn’t feel well. 15,000 people told themselves she didn’t sound well, either.

Four men who stole 2 million dimes from a truck outside the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia face felony theft charges. They were apprehended at Staples trying to buy 20,000 $5 rolls to put them in.

Two women – Haley Briggs of Wayne, Pennsylvania & Krystel Alston of Ontario, California – who started as grade-school pen pals in 1980 met for the first time in 43 years, after one of them ran out of stamps.

Trump attorney Jenna Ellis pleaded guilty to Georgia election fraud charges & will testify for the prosecution against remaining defendants, including Trump. Ellis, Sydney Powell & Kenneth Cheesebro all figured they might as well plead guilty since Trump wasn’t going to pay the lawyers anyway.

Federal agents discovered over two dozen minors working illegally at an Ohio poultry processing plant. The minors did not share a lot of information, but most said they’ve pretty much sworn off chicken nuggets at this point.

Kurt Cobain’s daughter and Tony Hawk’s son were married by R.E.M. frontman Michael Stipe in a civil ceremony, since all three were losing their religion.

The U.S. Department of Justice alleges that the NBA attempted to prevent Ice Cube’s ‘Big 3’ 3-on-3 basketball league from operating – allegations the NBA denies. A judge will decide whether the NBA was blocking while the DOJ is charging.

Hollywood celebrities including Tiffany Haddish, Chris Rock, Bradley Cooper & Justin Timberlake penned an open letter to President Biden to free Israeli hostages held by Hamas. Biden has received the letter, but is waiting for Larry The Cable Guy to weigh in.

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Trump attorney Jenna Ellis tested positive for COVID-19. They would have put her on a ventilator, but she’d put herself on one after exposure to Rudy Giuliani’s farts at the Michigan election hearing.

Nevada’s highest court rejected the Trump campaign’s effort to overturn the state’s presidential election results. Trump lost the court case, and the $100,000 he wagered at The Mirage that he’d win it.

Google Pixel phones now take screenshots almost instantly. Pornhub subscribers with Google Pixel phones have already used up all their onboard storage.

Venice, Italy was flooded as a newly-installed eight-billion-dollar system of dams failed to activate. Residents quickly turned to prayer, as hundreds were heard shouting “God, dam it”.

Nicolas Cage will appear in a new Netflix show exploring the history of swear words, including recent history, as Netflix subscribers rant that they’ve raised prices another two f**king dollars a month.

CBS is developing a ‘Silence of the Lambs‘ sequel series, ‘Clarice‘. Set in 1993, the drama follows FBI Agent Clarice Starling as she helps Buffalo Bill open a big-and-tall second skin boutique.

After an ethics review, France’s government authorized “bionic soldiers” outfitted with special prosthetics and cyber-implants, allowing them to assess battle conditions and determine the best way to surrender.

A shark attacked a 56-year-old amateur surfer in Maui, forcing organizers to postpone the Maui Pro surfing tournament in the same location. “No, really, you guys should have it now. I’m full” said the shark.

Russia is telling recipients of the government’s two-shot Sputnik V COVID-19 vaccine they need to abstain from alcohol for 42 days, because it’s an immunosuppressant. So far, Sputnik V shots trail Stolichnaya shots by 1 million-to-1.

Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino is being reprimanded for only completing 15 of 500 community service hours from his tax evasion sentence. The court rejected his lawyer’s claims that “looking at Snooki” and “listening to Pauly D DJ” should count.