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Starbucks apologized for selling expired food in China. They say it takes a reeeeally long time to write out the customer’s names correctly on the orders.

Target recalled ‘Letters To Santa’ mailboxes due to laceration risk from the mail slot’s sharp edges. The recall was issued after Santa noticed a lot of his letters had small fingers in them.

Donald Trump Jr sent frantic texts to White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows on January 6th, trying to get then-President Trump to stop the violence. Trump Jr would’ve sent the message directly, but his father never gave him his phone number.

36 National Football League players tested positive for COVID-19 on Monday, the highest single-day total since testing was implemented. The 1-11-1 Detroit Lions traded all their COVID-positive players to upcoming opponents in the hope of racking up forfeit wins.

The 2022 Rivian R1T is the first all-electric pickup truck to win MotorTrend Truck of the Year. Its truck nutz are actually batteries.

Pfizer said its COVID-19 pill, Paxlovid, shows high effectiveness preventing COVID-related hospitalization and death, adding that its pill form makes it far easier than vaccines to get mind-control chips into patients.

NASA is tracking two British explorers on an 80-day, 2,200-mile walking trek across Antarctica, in preparation for future astronaut landings on Mars. So far, the most important feedback the explorers have given is “drive instead”.

New UFC women’s fighting champion Julianna Pena is celebrating her upset victory over champ Amanda Nunes by taking her 7-year-old daughter to Disney World – where she’d better behave.

Derrick Dillard, son-in-law of ‘19 Kids and Counting‘ patriarch Jim Bob Duggar, said he thinks the child porn conviction of Duggar’s son, Josh, will hurt Jim Bob’s campaign for Arkansas state senate. However, Jim Bob will tout his 18-1 record in raising non-pedophiles.

Danny Carey, drummer for Tool, was arrested following a physical altercation at the Kansas City airport. He was charged with misdemeanor assault, and acting like a total Tool, not just a quarter of it.

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A golfer at Tom Brady’s country club found one of his personalized golf balls, a Titleist labeled with the number 12 and his seven Super Bowl wins. The guy who found it said it felt underinflated.

Southwest Airlines is being criticized for canceling 600 flights and delaying 4,000 others over the last weekend. A spokesperson said the disruption was caused by severe thunderstorm activity, and flight attendants running out of dad jokes.

IKEA introduced a line of LGBTQ+ themed sofas, where gay, trans, and non-binary couples can sit to work things out after brawling about assembling the other furniture.

Justin Bieber asked fans to stop staking out the entrance to his New York apartment. They complied, and were replaced by a different group of fans staking out his New York apartment.

Khloe Kardashian turned 37, and shared a rare photo of her brother, Rob Kardashian. Khloe is believed to be the only photographer who wants a picture of Rob Kardashian.

‘Wonder Woman’ Gal Gadot gave birth to her third child, and was granted three months’ maternity leave by the Super Friends.

TLC Network canceled the Duggar Family reality show, ‘Counting On’, after Josh Duggar’s arrest for child pornography. Pending his trial and sentencing, TLC may give him a new show, ’19 Prison Beatdowns & Counting’.

Kataluna Enriquez became the first transgender woman and first transgender woman of color to win the Miss Nevada USA pageant. “What?!” said her boyfriend.

In the wake of Las Vegas Raiders Carl Nassib coming out, the NFL released a new video proclaiming “football is gay” – a sentiment echoed by a high-school athlete who learned he was cut from the varsity team.

Actress Allison Mack will be sentenced today for her role in the NXIVM sex cult. Mack apologized for the physical and mental harm she caused, adding that it’s been especially damaging to her personal brand.

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Ellen Degeneres is buying back a six-acre California ranch she’d sold in 2018. Once her talk show ends in 2022, she plans to move to the ranch and bully horses instead of her staff.

Kardashian-adjacent doofus Scott Disick threw himself a 38th birthday party, where his 19-year-old girlfriend gave him a new Harley Davidson motorcycle. It was one of the two things he wanted, the other being a 17-year-old girlfriend.

Actor Timothee Chalamet has reportedly been cast in a film detailing Willy Wonka’s origin story, ‘The Kid Who Likes Chocolate, But Only If It’s Made By Enslaved Little People’.

Lindsay Lohan will star in a new romantic comedy for Netflix. It’s the first film in a new distribution model, where new Netflix movies premiere two weeks earlier in a $1.00 bin at Walgreens checkout counters.

Texas lawmakers approved allowing people to carry handguns without a license, background check or training. Vegas oddsmakers now predict the Dallas Cowboys & Houston Texans will each win all of their home games.

Anna Duggar – pregnant with her seventh child – is “standing by” husband Josh, who’s accused of possessing child pornography, after admitting to cheating on her. Because good men are hard to find in Arkansas.

‘Friends’ alum Matthew Perry is selling COVID-related t-shirts with a version of his character’s catchphrase “Could I BE any more vaccinated?” Then after COVID he has one for himself reading ‘Could I BE any more medicated?’

American Idol crowned its latest champion – whose best shot at fame is probably getting picked to wear a chicken costume on The Masked Singer.

The body of a man missing in Barcelona, Spain was found inside the leg of a stegosaurus statue. Officials were surprised, because the stegosaurus is an herbivore.

Elliot Page posted his first topless photo since declaring they are a trans male. Ironically, he’s now working on ways to make his chest bigger.