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Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson married Lauren Hashian. On their wedding night, Hashian sported a huge Rock on her finger.

The Governor of Nairobi, speaking at the funeral of his 41-year-old friend, outed the deceased friend for fathering an illegitimate child with a fellow politician. Several high-school teachers asked that the Governor not give the graduation speech at their schools.

Apple CEO Tim Cook reportedly met with President Trump to explain the damage caused by import tariffs. Cook called the meeting productive, and said it had been a while since he put on a puppet show.

A new study claims that having children will make you happier, but only after they’ve left your home. Unfortunately, the study also found that the joy comes when the kids leave on their own, you can’t just kick ’em out for happiness’ sake.

Nike said they’ll continue to pay sponsored women athletes when they become pregnant. However, WNBA coaches said they might limit their minutes.

A senator is reintroducing the School Bus Safety Act, requiring seat belts on school buses. The legislation is supported by parents rights groups, and by bullies, who say the seat belts keep weak students in place so their lunch money can be stolen.

A minor league baseball team in Montana had to cancel games because of damage to the field caused by a Mumford & Sons concert – the first time a boring game had to be cancelled because of even-more-boring music.

A former employee is suing Whole Foods, saying he was bitten by a black widow spider in the produce cooler. Whole Foods is also being sued by the spider, who claims the man she bit wasn’t really GMO and hormone free.

Microsoft introduced SMS Organizer, a new messaging app to help organize text messages and provide a new source of harvesting and selling personal information.

Pregnant plus-sized model Ashley Graham shared an Instagram photo of her “real body”, highlighting folds of midriff fat and stretch marks. “See honey, didn’t I say you could be a model!” said men about to get punched after showing the pic to their wives.

 

 

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Alabamians decide between Republican Roy Moore and Democrat Doug Jones to see which man represents the state in the U.S. Senate. While some project a record turnout, others are not as confident, once residents learned that voting won’t count as credit toward their GED or community service.

Veteran NPR host Tom Ashbrook has been suspended for sexual misconduct, accused of giving “creepy sex talks and unwanted back and neck rubs” – made possible via a generous grant from Exxon/Mobil.

President Trump recorded a robocall endorsement of GOP candidate Moore that went out to Alabama residents on Sunday. It would have gone out sooner, but Trump said the robot didn’t meet him on the golf course like he’d asked.

Speaking at a pre-election rally, Roy Moore’s wife Kayla addressed critics who say her husband doesn’t support blacks or Jews by asserting that “one of our lawyers is a Jew.” And “I think a couple of our ‘Bama running backs are blacks.”

SpaceX is sending barley seeds to the International Space Station, as part of a research project for Budweiser. Although the astronauts conducting the research are asking that they be paid for it with “good” beer.

NFL Network suspended current studio analysts Marshall Faulk, Ike Taylor and Heath Evans after a former wardrobe stylist sued the network for sexual harassment. A judge in the case issued a gag order on puns involving “pass” “run” and “illegal use of hands.”

Facebook is reemphasizing the Poke, an early feature that users could click to get another Facebook friend’s attention. So go ahead and Poke that woman you’ve never met in real life and see how that works out for you.

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson announced via Instagram that he and girlfriend Lauren Hashian are expecting a baby girl.  No word on the due date, just a teaser poster of the infant soaring out of the birth canal behind the wheel of a 600 horsepower Dodge Challenger.

Personal injury attorney Thomas J. Henry threw a $4 million dollar birthday party for his son’s 18th birthday, featuring celebrity appearances, performances by Diplo and Migos, and the gift of a new blue Ferrari. Asked if there was anything he didn’t get, the birthday boy said “a hug.”

President Trump signed an executive order to put U.S. astronauts back on the moon. Trump said “we will .. plant our flag and leave our footprint, then pull the flag out so I can finish putting.”