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With more & more large corporations and government agencies approving employees working from home, AMC & Regal movie theaters announced they’ll be adding more matinee showtimes.

Levi’s and Nintendo are partnering to launch Super Mario-themed apparel, including Mario’s signature blue denim overalls. However, fans are angry because they don’t fit anyone over three feet tall.

Walmart confirmed a coronavirus case in one of its stores – local health inspectors called it the 19th-most scary disease they found there.

A Florida couple still stuck aboard the Grand Princess cruise ship filed a $1 million lawsuit over Princess Cruises’ handling of the coronavirus outbreak. Princess Cruises said they plan to remove the bench where they lawyer had been advertising.

Rob Gronkowski is reportedly close to signing a deal to appear at WWE pro wrestling events. For now, he’s doing intense studying to meet WWE’s exacting standards for athlete intelligence.

A New Jersey 7-Eleven store owner faces multiple charges for selling homemade hand sanitizer that gave four children first-and-second degree burns. The concoction was a mix of a commercial hand sanitizer, water, and 7-Eleven coffee.

McDonald’s is expanding its lineup of Big Mac sandwiches, adding a Big Mac with just one beef patty and another with four. The one-patty sandwich is called the Little Mac, and the four-patty sandwich is called Half of Donald Trump’s Lunch.

A study from Yale researchers found consumption of artifical sweetener sucralose, along with high-levels of carbohydrates, may raise blood sugar in healthy people to dangerous levels. The study followed a group of people who like putting Splenda on french fries.

Microsoft and its security partners announced the March 10th takedown of the Necurs botnet – believed to be responsible for up to 90% of the world’s email-distributed malware. In other news, the Trump 2020 campaign reported a 90% drop in donations on March 10th.

Starbucks is testing a new fully recyclable, compostable, paper coffee cup.  For its part, Dunkin is testing a new coffee that you can pour into your compost heap to make the worms work faster instead of drinking it yourself.

 

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After a months-long investigation, a woman and her father were arrested for dumping popcorn and the empty bucket on a 2-year-old for talking during a screening of The Last Jedi. The child allegedly suffered a contusion, the accused were charged with excessive use of Force.

Walmart is entering the meal-kit business to take on the likes of Blue Apron and Hello Fresh.  Walmart will offer three different kits – each includes a bag of Doritos, a pair of scissors and a Redbox coupon.

A Cleveland mother was arrested after her 8-year-old son shot her 4-year-old daughter. The daughter is listed in stable condition; the 8-year-old hired an NRA lawyer and is expected to invoke the Stand Your Blanket Fort defense.

President Trump’s threats to levy tariffs on imported steel and aluminum was greeted with hostility by European officials, who threatened to tax U.S. exports of bourbon, Levi’s and Harley-Davidson motorcycles. “O non!” said the leader of the world’s least scary French motorcycle gang.

Entrepreneur Kristina Roth is opening SuperShe Island, a private luxury retreat off the coast of Finland where no men are allowed. The catch is that Roth personally selects the guests via the resort’s website. Roth said the number one selection criteria is ‘having an amazing personality’, followed by ‘being a really hot, rich lesbian’.

The Shape of Water won the Oscar for Best Picture. Match.com was down temporarily due to a surge in single women searching for single men with dorsal fins.

Kobe Bryant won an Oscar for producing a short film, as white people congratulated themselves on jokes about his ‘crossover’ into filmmaking.

An e-cigarette study published in the journal Pediatrics found five cancer-causing toxins in the urine of 16-year-olds using e-cigarettes. They also found alcohol and cocaine, so they fired the 17-year-old in charge of the study.

Skiers and snowboarders at Olympic Valley ski resort in California used their hands to rescue others who were covered by snow during a freak avalanche. The rescue would have happened sooner, but there was confusion from the text messages that read “dude I’m totally buried right now.”

University of Michigan defensive tackle prospect Maurice Hurst was sent home from the NFL Combine after doctors found a heart condition. They also found dozens of players with CTE symptoms but let’s….let’s get that heart checked out.