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A man with a gun was arrested near the home of Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. He planned to kill Kavanaugh and not a different conservative Justice because he was pretty sure there would be good beer there to celebrate afterward.

The Amarillo, Texas Zoo is shared a photo taken on May 21st of a strange, wolflike creature, and asked for the public’s help to identify it. Thousands of similar tips have poured in, but Ted Cruz wasn’t in town that day.

Thailand decriminalized marijuana, but still considers smoking it in public a nuisance law violation. In other news, the entirety of Thailand is sold out of brownie mix.

Apple introduced a new ‘Medication Tracking Feature’ to remind users to take their prescription meds – a feature long-demanded by forgetful seniors and opioid addicts with Apple Watches.

Cleveland Browns QB Deshaun Watson reportedly booked massage therapy sessions with 66 different women. Watson, who’s played in the NFL just four years, already surpassed the league record for groin pulls set by 20-year veteran Brett Favre.

The Los Angeles Rams agreed to an extension with wide receiver Cooper Kupp. And Cleveland Browns QB Deshaun Watson negotiated an extension with several new massage therapists.

NASA’s powerful new James Webb Space Telescope suffered damage after being struck by a micrometeoroid- which fled the scene before sharing insurance information.

Prior to Game 3 of the NBA Finals, the visiting Golden State Warriors noticed the rim on the hoop they were shooting at during warmups was two inches too high. The height was corrected by the equipment supervisor – a former New England Patriots employee who inflated the footballs.

Kim Kardashian said it made her “so f**king horny” when boyfriend Pete Davidson got her Dibs ice cream bites from a drug store. Khloe Kardashian said she can relate, saying she gets horny for the Grubhub guy when he delivers the 20 oz ribeye from Sizzler.

Britney Spears will marry Sam Asghari today, in an intimate ceremony before 100 close friends and family. They chose Thursday because on the weekends they’re pretty slammed with birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese.

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A Doylestown, Pennsylvania man was chosen to manage the official @Ireland Twitter account. He’ll return control to native Irish once they sober up.

Five parrots at a British zoo were separated and moved because they were all cursing at visitors. However, they did get people to give them a lot of f***ing crackers.

Google held an online event to introduce its new Pixel 5 phone – which most everybody watched on their iPhone.

A new study of 3,200 women showed they still consider sex to be important as they age – they just don’t think it’s that important tonight.

Scientists determined a woman’s reproductive system can actively select which sperm are accepted to fertilize an egg. They found the sperm with the highest chance of acceptance drove to the egg in a Porsche instead of swimming.

Conflict rages on between Armenia and Azerbaijan, in what’s being called ‘The War Almost Nobody Can Find On A Map.’

The Tokyo Stock Exchange suffered its worst outage ever, as officials scrambled for hours locating someone in Japan who’s good with computers.

COVID-19 vaccine trial participants report day-long exhaustion and headaches, symptoms similar to a control group that didn’t receive the vaccine and visited their parents.

The chief of the Federal Aviation Administration test-flew the currently-suspended Boeing 737 MAX, and recommended some changes to the aircraft as he floated to the ground in a parachute.

‘The Masked Singer’ contestant, actor Mickey Rourke, eliminated himself from the competition on Tuesday night, as did millions of other men who eliminated themselves from watching it to flip to the NBA Finals.