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Ukraine’s Army is being criticized for forcing female cadets to march in high heels. Worse, none of them were given a matching belt & handbag.

General Motors will no longer install CD players in new cars. They’ll switch to in-dash clock/radios that hold your iPod.

Buffalo Bills backup quarterbacks Mitch Trubisky and Jake Fromm each got married over the weekend, following lengthy negotiations with their wives over moving to Buffalo.

As part of the “largest menu overhaul” in its history, Subway sandwich shops are slicing ham and turkey more thinly. They’ll also give customers special magnifying glasses so they can actually see the meat on their sandwich.

Donald Trump plans to sue Facebook & Twitter for banning him from their platforms. He’s currently choosing a tough, smart lawyer from the advertisements on Newsmax.

Miki Sudo, reigning Women’s Champion of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest from 2014-2020, skipped the 2021 event because she’s pregnant. Doctors are concerned that her amniotic fluid is already 70% hot dog water.

The trainer of Marcel the Monkey from ‘Friends’ criticized David Schwimmer for his critical remarks about the monkey during the cast reunion, claiming Schwimmer was jealous of the monkey getting laughs. He also criticized Matthew Perry for falsely accusing the monkey of stealing his Vicodin.

Scarlett Johansson is rumored to be expecting a baby with husband Colin Jost. No word on whether the ‘Black Widow’ star will have the baby delivered by Doctor Strange, or induced with a Hulk smash.

Former Victoria’s Secret model Bridget Malcolm said she was told by a much older man to use cocaine and have “lots of sex” to lose weight before she had even turned 18. She refused the sex, but said thanks for the cocaine.

Former ‘Bachelorette’ Claire Crowley is having her breast implants removed, saying her current boyfriend told her that “your boobs are not what make you beautiful”. His opinion is not shared by dozens of former Bachelors.

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A study from the University of Alberta claims a glass of red wine has the same effect on the body as an hour at the gym. So congrats to all the stay-at-home moms putting in their five hours every day.

Conservative cable network Newsmax said the channel will not rebrand as ‘Trump TV’, but Donald Trump may get a show – that’s 23 hours long.

Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer announced a three-week pause on in-person learning and in-person dining, and an eight week pause on caring about Detroit Lions games except for when you’re bored on Thanksgiving.

An Alaska Airlines jet struck and killed a brown bear during landing at Alaska’s Yakutat Airport – ending the career of the longest-tenured baggage handler at Yakutat Airport.

A Belgian racing pigeon sold for $1.9 million to a Chinese businessman. The businessman then paid another $750 for a new suit after the pigeon shit on his.

Walmart is hiring “Health Ambassadors” to remind customers to wear a mask as they enter the store. Walmart said they’re similar to traditional greeters, only they’ve been screened for how well they take a punch.

Mattel released new ‘Barbie Extra’ dolls. The Extras are new body types, hair colors and skin tones – but still no nipples or genitals.

Tiger Woods carded a 10 on a par-3 at the Masters. It’s his ugliest 10 since Elin Nordegren bashed his car after reading his text messages in 2009.

NASA’s Curiosity rover snapped a stunning selfie on Mars – then slipped & fell to its death in a crater.