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Following a disappointing box office debut for ‘Birds of Prey’, Warner Bros. and DC Comics asked theaters to change the name to ‘Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey’. Apparently a different studio tried this a couple months ago with ‘Taylor Swift: Cats’, but she sued for $100 million to stop it.

UK reality tv star Cecilia Jastrzembska was arrested in Maldives for wearing a bikini near a mosque. She was held for an hour an a half until cops were able to correctly spell her last name.

Southwest Airlines, as part of standard preflight announcements, is now asking passengers to report ‘unwelcome behavior’. So far no passengers have reported unwelcome touching, but dozens have reported flight attendants for lousy jokes.

Google’s head of human resources is stepping down amidst employee tension over the right to protest, and after a series of terrible cakes purchased for employee birthday parties in the break room.

A New York deli is offering customers five seconds to grab free food if they can solve simple math problems. Some deli patrons are offering the deli owners their life if they can solve how to hand over all the cash in the register.

A franchisee that owns 73 Sonic Drive-In locations declared bankruptcy. They say they face huge debt, reduced cash flow, and a mountain of lawsuits to clean up car interiors where customers threw up chili cheesedogs.

Disney World Hollywood Studios’ ‘Star Wars: A Galaxy Far, Far Away’ – a stage show featuring characters acting out scenes – will shut down this month. In its place, Darth Vader, Chewbacca, Rey & Kylo Ren will star in ’12 Angry Men, Wookies & Droids’.

Lloyd Black, a 91-year-old who exercises in denim overalls, is ‘Member of the Month’ at Anytime Fitness in Semmes, Alabama. He says he wears baggy overalls because they’re comfortable, and they hide his excitement seeing women working out in yoga overalls.

Prosecutors in the college admissions scandal released the fake rowing resume that Lori Loughlin’s daughter used to gain admission to USC. They say suspicions were raised when she referred to oars as water-paddle-thingies.

Virginia lawmakers officially made it legal for unmarried couples to have sex. Although rarely enforced, couples previously faced fines up to $250 for intercourse. In a related move, Virginia Beach prostitutes announced a $150 price drop.

 

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New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft filed a motion to prevent the release of surveillance video of him engaged in sex acts in a Florida massage parlor. Meanwhile, after further review, the NFL replay official confirmed holding below the waist.

The two Boeing 737 MAX 8 jets operated by Lion Air and Ethiopian Airlines, each involved in fatal crashes, were sold without optional safety features that let pilots see the plane was in danger. The feature is called a “windshield”.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Fox News’ Brian Kilmeade both called for President Trump to stop his insults of deceased Senator John McCain. Trump said he’s only counterpunching insults he hears from McCain during Executive Time.

Lori Loughlin’s daughter, Olivia Jade Giannulli, reportedly didn’t fill out her own college applications. Forensics experts reached the conclusion when verifying her signatures on the applications, where none of the ‘i’s were dotted with hearts or smiley faces.

A 10-foot long alligator was spotted swimming in water behind a woman’s home in Cape Coral, Florida. April is alligator ‘courtship’ season, where they search for partners prior to the May mating season. The woman said she’d like to get to know the gator better before making that commitment.

A new study finds strawberries, spinach and kale contain the highest levels of pesticide residue. Consumers intend to keep eating strawberries, and use the study as a lifelong rationale for not eating the other two.

Costco shoppers in California are posting photos of giant, 2-to-7 pound lobster claws being sold there. Back in the ocean, giant clawless lobsters are getting their tails kicked.

Excessively hot tea is being linked to esophageal cancer. A study followed 50,000 tea drinkers in a remote province of Iran and found nearly 400 had developed cancer. Critics point out that Iranian tea is made by steeping tobacco leaves in boiling puddle water.

Olive Garden posted a solid jump in sales. They attribute the growth to emphasizing classic Italian dishes, which they’ve always avoided making.

The United Nations released their annual ranking of 156 countries based on levels of ‘happiness’. The United States’ happiness ranking fell for the third straight year, and now sits at #19.  “Take that!” said 18th ranked Syria.