By |

MTV Teen Mom Janelle Evans is leaving her husband, asking for full custody of their child, and graduating to VH1 Adult Divorcee.

Just one day after retiring from the NFL, Jason Kelce made good on his promise to Buffalo Bills fans and jumped on to a flaming table, per their tailgate tradition. Kelce just needs to return to Buffalo, warm his hands down the back of his wife’s pants during a winter game, and throw a dildo on to the field to become Bills Mafia King.

A Microsoft engineer warned that the company’s Copilot AI image creator generates violent sexual imagery. Hearing this, dozens of high-school garage bands used it to make their album covers.

A Massachusetts man is suing the federal government for $9.5 million after he crashed his snowmobile in to a Blackhawk helicopter parked on a little-used airfeld. He lost his snowmobile, the use of his arm, and any fun he thought he’d have on a helicopter ride.

So You Think You Can Dance creator/producer/host Nigel Lythgoe faces his fourth sexual assault allegation in three months. Co-host Paula Abdul accused him of being Straight Up, and other women say he asked them So You Think You Can Take Off My Pants?.

CBS ordered a Young Sheldon spinoff series featuring older brother Georgie and wife Mandy, as they raise their baby together in Texas. It’s tentatively titled No Sheldon.

Director James Gunn shared the first shooting location of his Superman reboot – Norway, where Superman flees to his Fortress Of Solitude to wait it out and see just how f*cked up things are after the 2024 Presidential Election.

A man making a social media video walked in to a Glassboro, NJ store and dunked his head in a barrel of pickles, forcing the store to discard them. Police are asking for the public’s help, especially barbers if their customer’s head reeks of vinegar.

A Missouri teacher is accused of attempting to murder her husband by adding toxic lily of the valley plant to 8 beverages, causing severe illness. He’s recovering and learning how to make his own smoothies.

Buffalo Bils QB Josh Allen split his pants at dinner while in Paris with actress girlfriend Hailee Steinfeld as they attended Paris Fashion Week. Allen joked about the mishap, and was invited to model his torn pants at Buffalo Fashion Week.

By |

Monster energy drink is reportedly developing a spiked version with alcohol, possibly called Drunk Monster.

Bidet company Tushy is offering a $10,000 summer job for someone to make videos discussing pooping, and conducting interviews with others about pooping. So far the top candidate is a four-year-old boy.

WNBA players reporting to IMG Academy housing in Florida – where they’ll live while playing games – report poor food, bedbugs and rodent traps. IMG said they’ll remove the rodent traps, but now they have to change the menu.

Google Maps is adding traffic light icons to its navigation maps, so drivers can see which ones they blew through while texting.

Mary Trump’s tell-all book about her uncle, Donald Trump, accuses him of paying someone to take his SAT exams for him. The guy who took the test said he’s still waiting to get paid.

Dunkin announced they’re closing 450 locations – or, about 10 blocks worth in New York and Boston.

Brooks Brothers filed for bankruptcy, but executives will still look really sharp in court.

Paris Fashion Week runway shows are taking place online. Kim Kardashian already complained that her seat wasn’t close enough to her computer.

A pedestrian in Shippensburg PA said they were temporarily blinded after someone tossed convenience-store Sheetz Boom Boom Sauce at them. The victim was thankful it only got in their eye, not their stomach.

Mary Kay Latourneau died at age 58 from stage four cancer. She is survived by her ex-husband, who impregnated her when he was in sixth grade, and by the waiting list of boys wanting to enroll in her sixth grade class.

By |

After a 16-year-old Maryland girl complained about headaches and pain in her arm, her mother found out she received a birth control implant at her school. The family requests privacy as the girl recovers and sorts through dozens of promposals.

Supermodel Gigi Hadid intervened when a 23-year-old comedienne jumped on the runway at the Chanel show during Paris fashion week. No one was harmed, or really did much of anything, because it was a fashion show.

A police drone discovered an escaped Chinese criminal missing for 17 years living in a cave in remote Chinese mountains.  The drone was working undercover pretending to deliver snacks the fugitive ordered from Amazon.

The Korean PGA tour suspended a player for three years after he gave someone in the crowd ‘the finger’ for noise from their cellphone camera. Many were surprised to learn there are male pro golfers in Korea.

A turtle who’s resided at the Philadelphia Zoo for 30 years received a coconut oil massage, capped off by an impossibly slow happy ending .

A new company, Micron, reportedly has developed a smart toilet that analyzes human waste to diagnose health and risk of disease. So far, the most frequent message communicated by the toilet is “lay off the hot chicken wings”.  [story h/t to A.O.]

Two Philadelphia high schools were closed after exposed asbestos was discovered. The senior class at each school is being bombarded with scholarship offers from Philadelphia mesothelioma lawyers.

Spain’s first women-only hotel opened in Mallorca. After being bombarded with nonstop questions on opening day, the Concierge quit.

A judge ruled in favor of Harvard University’s admissions process, and against a group of Asian-American plaintiffs, who say the process favors blacks and hispanics. “Good call” said the Harvard football coach.

A 59-year-old Florida man was arrested for cutting the brake lines on over 100 electronic scooters – and he would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those pesky scooter-riding teenagers.