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Michigan kindergartners drank Jose Cuervo ready-made margaritas because a classmate brought the bottle in for snack time thinking it was juice. The children are all okay, and there’s now a waiting list to be Snack Mom.

NASA teleported a hologram of a doctor to the International Space Station. The astronauts were all pretty pissed off at the $100,000 copay.

Burger King’s largest franchisee is cutting the number of chicken nuggets in an order from 10 to 8. They say the other two died of bird flu.

Shania Twain joined Harry Styles on stage at Coachella to perform ‘Man, I Feel Like A Woman’ – but looked at Styles and sang ‘Man, You Look Like A Woman’.

Florida’s Department of Education rejected 54 math textbooks from kindergarten through 12th grade curriculum, saying that they contained prohibited content like Critical Race Theory, common core learning, and fractions.

The City of Philadelphia faces a lawsuit from business owners over the reinstatement of its indoor mask mandate. It’s the first-ever lawsuit with paperwork that opens with the phrase “Not for Nothing…”

To prevent the spread of bird flu, wildlife officials are recommending not putting out bird feeders. But if you do, mix the bird feed with Dayquil.

Ever Forward – a container ship stuck in the Chesapeake Bay for a month – has been freed. They were able to remove the cargo faster with the help of teenagers tricked into thinking several of the 40-foot containers contained Playstation 5’s they could have.

A Queens, New York woman was stabbed over 50 times, stuffed in a duffel bag, and dragged several blocks to a street corner, leaving sidewalks stained with blood. Police have not yet ruled out foul play.

The FDA authorized the first breath test for COVID, on the same day it approved new & improved Listerine with Monoclonal Antibodies.

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‘Joker 2’ is reportedly in development. It picks up the story in the future when aspiring comedian Arthur Fleck goes on a murderous rampage after his Facebook friends reply ‘Interested’ & ‘Going’ to his comedy show but don’t attend.

President Trump addressed the media following Ambassador Gordon Sondland’s testimony during Impeachment Hearings, holding notes reading “I want nothing. I want nothing.”  The notes were from his stop at the vegan station in the White House Dining Hall.

Walmart is redesigning its fresh produce department in response to consumer complaints. And by “redesigning” they mean replacing it with Cheetos.

Category-leading hard seltzer brand White Claw projects $1.5 billion in sales this year. Budget brand Natural Light Hard Seltzer projects to spend about $1.5 billion settling liver-failure lawsuits.

Three black women watching ‘Harriet’ at an AMC Theater in New Orleans say they were racially profiled by managers who stopped the film and falsely accused them of having fake tickets. The women said they never received an apology, and that it was the worst Madea movie yet.

A sprawling storm in the central United States next Tuesday & Wednesday could cause massive disruption to Thanksgiving travel plans. People unable to join their families for Thanksgiving are wondering how to send a ‘thank you’ note to a storm.

Shania Twain accused country music radio of being ageist for not playing her songs or songs from peers like Reba McIntyre or Patty Loveless. She plans to release a new single ‘Cryin’ In My Tesla Drinking White Claw’.

Personal organization expert Marie Kondo opened an online shop, selling items that “spark joy for Marie”. Then Kondo looks at her sales revenue, and sparks even more joy.

Coldplay frontman Chris Martin said the group is putting touring on hold as they figure out how to make their tours more environmentally friendly – aside from the obvious solution, not doing any.

Rob Gronkowski joined the Los Angeles ‘Laker Girls’ during a chroreographed dance routine during a break in their NBA game. Several Laker Girls entered the Dancer Concussion Protocol after congratulatory head-butts from Gronk.