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A Russian research team unearthed the fossilized remains of a 10-ton, 17-foot-long sea cow on a Siberian beach. Experts believe the sea cow wanted to spend time at the beach, but needed to go to Siberia to avoid crowds & body-shaming.

Thanksgiving night fights forced officials to shut down the Riverchase Galleria Mall in Birmingham, Alabama, as fathers of teenage girls sought to protect them from Roy Moore.

GOBankingRates released a list of the 15 most affordable states for Millennials to buy homes. Topping the list? West Virginia – where it’s estimated that a home can be bought after just two-and-a-half years of selling meth.

DamToys is selling a 12-inch Steve Jobs figurine for nearly $200. It berates other nearby action figures and comes with 10 accessories, none of which is a daughter that the figurine refuses to acknowledge.

President Trump tweeted on Friday that he was heading to Trump National Golf Club to “play golf (quickly) with Tiger Woods and Dustin Johnson.” ‘Quickly’ means he’ll quit when they won’t let him win.

A Swedish power plant near Stockholm that uses recycled materials as fuel is burning unsold clothing from fast-fashion chain H&M; the company that owns the plant is hiring hundreds of mean girls to follow classmates around telling them to ‘burn that outfit’.

Following a second accuser’s claim that he grabbed her buttocks during a photo at the Minnesota State Fair, Senator Al Franken issued a new apology, and verified that he’s banned from the livestock exhibit at this year’s fair.

Oprah Winfrey shared her lavish Thanksgiving dinner spread on Instagram, including four 22-pound turkeys for her and her guests. Winfrey, a Weight Watchers spokesperson, declined to say how many Weight Watchers points she consumed, but was photographed with her food diary and a scientific calculator.

Michael Flynn is no longer sharing information regarding the Russia investigation with President Trump’s lawyers, leading observers to believe Special Investigator Robert Mueller has “flipped” Mueller to testify against The President. Sensing an opportunity, Russian President Vladimir Putin has offered to let Flynn use his Safe House.

Duchess Kate Middleton – pregnant with her third child – went off-roading with her husband, Prince William, at the Jaguar/Land Rover factory in England. “Off-roading” in this case meaning using Parent With Toddler parking instead of valet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Amazon has opened five Instant Pickup locations, allowing Prime members to order goods online, then get them in person as fast as two minutes later. As of now, all five locations are in college stores, and 99% of customers seeking a ‘Prime Instant Pickup’ on campus are men.

  • Women are hesitant to try Instant Pickup. But if they’re having a good time? And the guys listen to them a little bit?….Maybe.

A judge ruled that Costco must pay luxury jeweler Tiffany $19 million in lost profits and penalties, for selling fake Tiffany jewelry in Costco locations. A Tiffany spokesperson praised the ruling, adding that they never have, and never will, sell NASCAR engagement rings.

CEOs from Intel and Under Armour resigned from President Trump’s Manufacturing Council, following the lead of Merck CEO Kenneth Frazier. Trump Tweeted “For every CEO that drops out of the Manufacturing Council, I have many to take their place. Grandstanders should not have gone on. JOBS!” Reached via Ouija board, Steve Jobs said he would’ve quit too.

  • At the current rate of attrition, by year’s end the Manufacturer’s Council will be Trump and GM CEO Mary Barra sitting on a sofa watching Property Brothers reruns.

CEO Edward Stack forecast declining 2017 sales for sporting goods retailer Dick’s, sending shares tumbling 16%. Angry investors are losing faith in this Stack, of Dick’s.

Bugatti introduced the world’s fastest passenger car, the Bugatti Chiron. It goes 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds, has a 1,500 horsepower 16-cylinder engine, costs $3 million, and no, Daddy can’t take you for a ride in it because he’s late to meet his new lady friend.

Infamous white supremacist website Daily Stormer is down after its domain and hosting support were pulled by GoDaddy and Google. In a related story, Fox News online advertising is expected to come in way under budget for August.

President Obama’s Tweet in the wake of the Charlottesville violence – a quote from Nelson Mandela – became the 2nd-most liked Tweet ever with over 2.6 million Likes.  It send Kim Kardashian scrambling for a full-length mirror, thong & smartphone to try and crank out 3 million.

Bill Gates filed 2017 paperwork showing charitable donations of 60 million Microsoft shares valued at $4.6 Billion. President Trump wished that he wasn’t still being audited or else he’d follow suit.

The 3rd annual NetBase Global Top 100 Brand Love List was released, and the most-loved brand worldwide is…Facebook.  NetBase said they compiled the list by “looking at social media brand conversations across the web…” — without permission.

Uber has agreed to 20 years of audits from the Federal Trade Commission, to address concerns that they were not doing enough to protect customers’ data and privacy. Uber said they look forward to learning just how creepy their stalker-drivers have been and will be.