Officers at The Vatican arrested and incarcerated Monsignor Carlo Capella on charges he uploaded and viewed child pornography. The Vatican charged him with hogging the computer while other clergy were waiting to do the same.

73-year-old former NFL and NCAA head coach Steve Spurrier has been named Head Coach of the Orlando team in the new Alliance of American Football. He’s expected to start work just as soon as he clears the league’s Dementia Protocol.

The Alliance of American Football is scheduled to begin play the week after the 2019 NFL Super Bowl with eight teams. It’s intended as an alternate league for pro football players to build or extend careers, and as an elaborate ruse so Donald Trump will quit his job to own a football team again.

The remaining seven Alliance of American Football teams have yet to be announced, but league officials will make the home cities public just as soon as they register with their respective bankruptcy courts.

A White House official told CNN that President Trump has begun early preparations for a potential interview with Special Counsel Robert Mueller. The preparations involve Trump identifying basic shapes and colors so that he can become reacquainted with actually telling the truth.

An Oklahoma mom posted that she’s “embarrassed” that her seven-year-old daughter’s textbook is the same one used by country superstar Blake Shelton in 1982. Shelton’s name was hand-printed on the inside front cover, and his high school senior year book report on it was tucked inside the back cover.

Singer Demi Lovato posted Instagram pictures of her stretch marks, extra fat and cellulite.  She shared the photos to show fans that she still loves her body even though it isn’t perfect.  In return, she was thanked by thousands of male creeps.

Conor McGregor was stripped of his UFC Lightweight Championship after McGregor threw a hand truck through a UFC bus window. He faces charges of felony criminal mischief and misdemeanor assault. The charges are a heavy betting favorite to win.

With McGregor out, the new undisputed UFC Lightweight Champion is Khabib Nurmagomedov – also from Ireland.

Facebook is planning to inform users if they were among the 87 million whose data was illegally obtained by Cambridge Analytica – leading to an estimated 50 million new Likes for Cambridge Analytica.

During a concert by singer Andrea Bocelli, the Lucca Philharmonic Orchestra in Pisa, Italy was conducted by a robot. Between songs, orchestra members took turns olive-oiling it.