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The estate of the late Paul Reubens – ‘Pee Wee Herman’ is auctioning furniture from his private collection. Buyers are advised that the furniture does not talk, and seats from his private screening room are sold ‘as is’.

ESPN host Pat McAfee apologized for calling WNBA Indiana Fever rookie Caitlin Clark a “white b*tch” while praising her impact on the league. McAfee promised to only use the phrase when referring to caucasian male athletes he doesn’t like.

A Delta Airlines first class passenger had a “poop accident” which caused the entire front of the aircraft to stink. Other passengers praised the flight attendant’s handling of the difficult situation, as she used her heel to kick out a window so oxygen masks deployed.

A Philadelphia city crossing guard was arrested for giving cannabis edibles to teenagers on their way to school. None of the kids are learning anything, but everyone’s chill and hallway fistfights are way down.

Donald Trump lost his New York State gun permit after his felony conviction. He’s still expected to get off 100 shots at his Florida & New Jersey golf courses, then say he shot 70.

A toddler was lifted in to the air by her shirt by a giraffe as the family drove through a Texas safari park. The giraffe lowered the toddler back down without injury, but the toddler will be a little quicker to hand over the Skittles next time.

For the first time ever, ocean wildlife observers in Australia witnessed a tiger shark regurgitating a whole echidna – a dome-shaped sea mammal covered in spines. In another first, that same day, they witnessed a different shark regurgitate an entire Arby’s Beef & Cheddar combo.

A 2022 study asserted that 38 percent of WNBA players are gay. A similar study of NBA players remains incomplete because 10 percent of the players haven’t returned the questionnaire.

Author Suzanne Collins announced a fifth ‘Hunger Games’ book – a prequel set 24 years before the original – tentatively titled “No Thanks I’m Full’.

A new sexually-transmitted fungal infection, TMVII, was found on a New York City man, with rashes on his penis, buttocks & limbs after he traveled to Greece, England & California and had sex with partners in each location. Worse, he can’t find a doctor he can pay in frequent flier miles.

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Pillsbury is recalling bread flour for possible e.coli contamination. If you press the Doughboy’s stomach on an affected bag, he’ll giggle, then vomit and shit himself.

Gloria Vanderbilt died at age 95. Hundreds of mourners are expected at the funeral to see which outfit she would be caught dead in.

  • Vanderbilt’s calling hours will feature her being pushed down a funeral home runway every five minutes showing off pieces from her Fall Collection.

Boeing officially apologized to families of victims who died in 737 MAX aircraft crashes. In turn, families turned on the ‘You’re Getting Sued’ sign.

Two people were shot at the Toronto Raptors victory parade. NBA officials took several minutes reviewing video to decide if the shots were two-or-three pointers.

Author Suzanne Collins announced the 2020 release of a prequel novel to The Hunger Games series, entitled Let’s Eat, Katniss!

A new NYU study claims life expectancy in large cities like Chicago could vary by as much as 30 years depending on your zip code. In a related story, Chicago’s criminal gangs  successfully applied to get their own zip codes.

Harvard and Japanese scientists are claiming a breakthrough in anti-cancer drug development, synthesizing compounds from sea sponges. Cancer sucks, but the sponges suck cancers.

A Maryland woman whose husband died at a Dominican Republic resort says officials there recommended his cremation. Officials denied trying to hide the cause of death, they just said cremation was covered in the price of the all-inclusive resort.

Cardi B split the seat of her jumpsuit twerking onstage at Bonnaroo music festival. Tailors around the world agreed it was far too much to ask of a single stitch.

Wildwood, New Jersey plays host to the National Marbles Championship. The winners receive scholarships and the honor of being the only people vacationing in Wildwood, NJ not to lose their marbles.