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Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg discussed a “cage match” battle online after Musk criticized Zuckerberg. It’s unclear if it’ll happen since neither man could trust that anyone would want to open the cage after they’re both locked in.

The USDA cleared lab-grown chicken for sale. Unfortunately, early batches have already been recalled due to contamination with lab-grown bird flu.

United States average reading and math scores dropped to their lowest level in decades, owing to classroom disruptions from the COVID pandemic. Department of Education officials became alarmed when they saw Mississippi’s test averages climb to 49th.

The FTC sued Amazon, saying they duped millions of customers in to signing up for Prime, made it difficult for Prime customers to disconnect, and caused untold pain & suffering to husbands having to watch The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel with their wives.

None of the 10 Most Liveable Cities in the world – as ranked by the Economist Intelligence Unit – are in the U.S. However, all 10 of the same organization’s Most Dieable Cities are in the U.S., topped by Chicago & Philadelphia.

A hail storm at Red Rocks Amphitheater in Colorado injured 100 people there to watch a Louis Tomlinson concert, but who ended up seeing The Stones instead.

Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene called fellow GOP Representative Lauren Boebert “a little bitch” on the House floor. Asked about it, Boebert said “I’m not in middle school” – since she dropped out of the sixth grade.

A new study claims men with longer noses have bigger penises. Cyrano de Bergerac is being rewritten as a one-act play where Roxanne just gets with him right away.

Eroxon, a topical stimulant gel for treatment of erectile dysfuncton, was approved by the FDA. Just open the tube and rub it on the affected area 200 times.

Indicted Congressman George Santos may soon be forced to disclose who posted his $500,000 bail for fraud. Santos has refused, saying that’s a private matter between him and Bruce Wayne.

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Nicole Young filed for divorce from rap mogul Dr. Dre, her husband of 25 years, citing irreconcilable differences. She would not elaborate, saying it’s like this and like that and like this, and uh..

Over 200 members at a Planet Fitness in West Virginia may require 14 days of quarantine after COVID-19 infections were traced there. “Skip the gym for two weeks?? Oh no!!..” they said.

The Supreme Court blocked a Louisiana law that would have made it all but impossible for women to get an abortion in the state. Next up they’ll rule on a different Louisiana law prohibiting parents from telling their daughters where babies come from.

The Mississippi state legislature voted to redo the state’s flag, removing the Confederate battle symbol. No word on the new flag, but the committee is looking for someone real good at drawing pictures of guns.

Mossimo Giannulli and Lori Loughlin resigned their membership at the Bel Air Country Club, after other members complained that they’re now felons. Coincidentally, they paid a half million dollars to get in to Bel Air CC too.

Cirque du Soleil filed for bankruptcy.  Executives plan to continue operations, but say financial management will be a real high wire act.

Scientists at University of California – Davis doing protein research accidentally cured Parkinson’s disease symptoms in mice. The mice were briefly happy, but then got pissed off at the same scientists for giving them Parkinson’s to begin with.

26 National Hockey League players tested positive for COVID-19, risking the restart of the season. They’ll each self-isolate for two weeks, plus an additional two minutes for delay of game.

Broadway theaters will remain closed until January. Sensing an opportunity from people desperate to waste money on bloated song-and-dance routines, Universal raised the price of ‘Cats’ on Blu-ray to $99.

Amazon Prime Video introduced ‘Watch Party’, where you can view content together with people in other locations. So now you can tell someone in a totally different state to shut up because you can’t hear The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.