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Brett Favre is charging $5000 for a 10-minute Zoom call via celebrity messaging service Cameo – or, $4000 if you’re a massage therapist and let him show you his penis.

The Trump Administration is suing to stop sales of a tell-all book from former National Security Adviser John Bolton, saying the book contains national security secrets. Although everyone could probably guess the Oval Office bathroom code is 1234.

A court found Shake Shack is not liable for three New York cops getting sick after eating there, saying most people are sick when they find out a cheeseburger and shake costs $17.

Amidst national protests and demands for police reform, many cops across the U.S. are quitting. Dunkin’ shares dropped 30% in early trading.

Google released special Pride Month ringtones for its Pixel mobile phones. So far, the most downloaded is “HEYYYY-ayyyyy’.

Quaker Foods announced a name change for Aunt Jemima products. The syrup will be offered in larger sizes to accommodate a label reading: ‘Your Black Mom’s Sister’s High-Fructose Imitation Maple Goo’.

American moms are saying kid-friendly all-white band The Wiggles need to diversify and add one or more minority members. The band has so far refused, saying racial integration is a Hot Potato.

‘That 70s Show’ actor Danny Masterson was arrested and charged with rape. “Way to go, dumbass” said Red Forman.

Lego launched interactive Super Mario playsets. The combined cost of all of them is nearly $600, leading Mario to complain about having to collect that many coins.

After a two-year investigation, a 34-year old Idaho woman was arrested and charged with having sex with underage boys. A spokesman for the boys called it “two pretty great years.”

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White House advisor Kellyanne Conway appeared on CBS’ ‘Face the Nation’ and said that the press is not the enemy of the people, adding that, in her case, mirrors are.

Taylor Hamlin, 18, was stripped of her crown as Maine Sea Goddess at the Maine Lobster Festival, after photos were found of her smoking what appears to be a marijuana cigarette and a Juul vaping device. She has been asked to surrender her crown, bib, claw-cracker, and chalice of lemon butter.

According to CDC data, the number of Americans sickened by eating McDonald’s salads has grown to 395 – or about one one-millionth of the number of people sickened by the idea of eating McDonald’s salads.

MoviePass will now limit members to seeing just three movies a month for $9.95.  However, the company is reportedly considering a plan to allow pass holders to add one movie each month for every $10 bucket of stale popcorn they buy.

Jingjing Hu, a music student at DePaul University, was booted off of an American Airlines flight from Miami to Chicago along with her cello, for which she’d purchased a ticket to occupy the seat next to her. American said there was a miscommunication about its policy; adding that the cello refused to assist passengers in an emergency since it was in an exit row.

In Camden, New Jersey, three formal postal workers were sentenced for their roles in a scheme to cash $100,000 in stolen postal money orders. The scheme ran aground when the men had trouble finding anyone under age 70 who knew what a postal money order is.

Verizon announced it’s bringing 5G Wireless technology to Houston, Texas. 5G, hailed as the “next generation” of internet speed, means Houston-area creeps will get an answer to ‘U Up?’ texts in just fractions of a second.

Online information service PrepScholar compiled College Board data to identify the states with the highest and lowest SAT scores. The highest overall scores were from students in Minnesota; the lowest overall scores were from the District of Columbia, where the test is known as the STA.

A recall was issued for Vanilla Almond Breeze almond milk because it may contain traces of real milk — the makers said they’ll improve screening to stop using pregnant almonds.

Emma Watkins and Lachlan Gillespie, a married couple who are both in children’s music group The Wiggles, have announced they’re getting a divorce. The announcement confirms rumors from five-year-old fans who noticed the group’s music getting much darker with the release of their new single “Cheating Isn’t Nice.”