By |

An expansion of the U.S. earthquake early-warning system makes it available to 50 million people on the West Coast. The system, called Shake Alert, faces criticism from users confusing earthquakes with their Shake Shack order being ready.

Following dozens more reports of injured children, Peloton reversed their positions and agreed to recall their treadmills. Peloton online fitness classes were constantly interrupted by people pulling their kids out from under the belt.

An advisory board upheld Donald Trump’s ban from Facebook & Instagram, but said they need to decide again in six months after seeing how many state & federal crimes Trump was facing.

Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf is teaming up w Penn State football to encourage vaccination. “Nah, I think we’re good” said Wolf when retired assistant coach Jerry Sandusky offered his help.

Police in Bensalem, Pennsylvania debuted the Copsicle truck, a community-relations effort where police give away free ice cream. So far the truck has been used to successfuly lure & capture over 20 sixth-graders who jumped bail.

Multiple Major League Baseball teams are giving fans a free ticket when they get a COVID-19 vaccine at the stadium. The Philadelphia Phillies are reevaluating their plan after vaccine recipients were heckled and pelted with batteries by anti-vaxxers.

Zhe “Shelly” Wang, an interpreter for the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, denies rumors that she’s responsible for their breakup. It’s hard to tell if the divorce is the result of too much Wang, or not enough.

The summer’s hottest top for women is Mirror Palais’ “underwire polo” – a crop-top that pairs an underwire bra with a button placket, collar and long sleeves. The hottest top for men is whatever they wore yesterday, probably.

A woman in Morocco gave birth to nine babies at once. She’s seeking parenting advice from others who have had a similar experience, but so far has only heard from cats.

A San Francisco tech CEO was ousted for taking LSD before an investor’s meeting. He said he got the idea from multiple middle-managers who dropped acid to get through their annual performance reviews.

By |

Brett Favre is charging $5000 for a 10-minute Zoom call via celebrity messaging service Cameo – or, $4000 if you’re a massage therapist and let him show you his penis.

The Trump Administration is suing to stop sales of a tell-all book from former National Security Adviser John Bolton, saying the book contains national security secrets. Although everyone could probably guess the Oval Office bathroom code is 1234.

A court found Shake Shack is not liable for three New York cops getting sick after eating there, saying most people are sick when they find out a cheeseburger and shake costs $17.

Amidst national protests and demands for police reform, many cops across the U.S. are quitting. Dunkin’ shares dropped 30% in early trading.

Google released special Pride Month ringtones for its Pixel mobile phones. So far, the most downloaded is “HEYYYY-ayyyyy’.

Quaker Foods announced a name change for Aunt Jemima products. The syrup will be offered in larger sizes to accommodate a label reading: ‘Your Black Mom’s Sister’s High-Fructose Imitation Maple Goo’.

American moms are saying kid-friendly all-white band The Wiggles need to diversify and add one or more minority members. The band has so far refused, saying racial integration is a Hot Potato.

‘That 70s Show’ actor Danny Masterson was arrested and charged with rape. “Way to go, dumbass” said Red Forman.

Lego launched interactive Super Mario playsets. The combined cost of all of them is nearly $600, leading Mario to complain about having to collect that many coins.

After a two-year investigation, a 34-year old Idaho woman was arrested and charged with having sex with underage boys. A spokesman for the boys called it “two pretty great years.”

By |

After closing for a month, Pennsylvania state liquor stores partially reopened for curbside pickup. Their top sellers are vodka, bourbon, and travel mugs for the drive home.

Burger chain Shake Shack returned $10 million it borrowed from a federal government program intended for small businesses, even though they said it was needed to buy extra beepers to cater White House state banquets.

IKEA shared the recipe for its famous meatballs, but people are disappointed they have to sit in a warming tray for two months in order to taste the same as they do at the store.

IKEA also is planning to reopen some of its European stores in May, which means you’ll be zipping through the checkout in June.

The WNBA New York Liberty selected Oregon’s Sabrina Ionescu first overall in Friday’s draft. Ionescu is expected to collect the biggest-ever payday for a WNBA rookie, just as soon as her $1,200 stimulus check arrives.

Google updated its Chrome browser with a new feature called Tab Groups, which lets you merge all of your open porn tabs into one.

Alicia Silverstone said her portrayal of Batgirl in ‘Batman and Robin’ was “not her favorite experience”, since she was body-shamed and called ‘Fatgirl’. She said the only experience worse than making the movie was having to watch it.

New technology in the upcoming Apple Watch 6 may use location data to prevent wearers from being attacked by sharks. It may also be able to alert sharks wearing Apple Watches to locations where swimmers aren’t wearing them.

The White House will use the Defense Production Act to increase the number of cotton swabs needed for coronavirus testing, but that it will take some time for the Q Tips to be rebranded as DT Tips.

The Disney Bedtime Hotline has reappeared so parents putting their kids to bed can hear a special message from their favorite Disney character. Although single male callers are disappointed that Disney Princesses will no longer tell them what they’re wearing.