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The Federal Government listed the ten prescription drugs subject to negotiated lower prices for seniors on Medicare. That deflated sigh you’re hearing is thousands of older men not seeing Cialis or Viagra on the list.

Farmers Insurance laid off 2,400 workers. “You’ve been laid-off…..bahhh-buh-bah-bah bah-bah-bop.” said their voice mail.

Burger King faces a lawsuit claiming they deceive customers by posting pictures of Whoppers that make them look bigger than they really are. Lawyers for Burger King plan to seat sympathetic jurors that post boob and crotch pics on Instagram.

Senior military officers in Gabon appeared on tv claiming they’ve seized control – as they try to explain to a wider audience that Gabon is a real country.

A judge rejected a lawsuit from a University of Wyoming sorority who sought to block a transgender woman from joining. The trans woman may be allowed to join, but so far she’s 0-for-33 asking fraternity brothers to the big Sadie Hawkins dance.

At the FIBA Basketball World Cup, Team USA scored a 110-62 victory over Jordan…who were not at all like Mike.

New viral video shows three men in Mississippi in a violent brawl, striking each other with a wooden plank and a shovel. Meanwhile, other Mississippians wonder where the three high-rollers got plank and shovel money.

A March, 1789 letter from George Washington – written in the weeks leading up to his being named first U.S. President – is expected to sell for 7 figures at auction. The letter is unique because of its timing, and for Washington writing “please send nudes”.

Khloe Kardashian’s daughter True started kindergarten, leading Khloe to post that she’s “not ok”, presumably because her daughter will have a higher education than she ever did.

A Russian police lieutenant was killed by a Ukrainian drone strike while mowing his lawn. His wife is extremely distraught, and having a difficult time finding a neighborhood kid to mow her lawn.

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A New York City Housing Authority official was caught on video having sex with an unidentified woman during a Housing Authority Zoom meeting. The official was suspended; the woman had her rent waived for the month.

Rapper T.I. – who’s now performing stand-up comedy – was booed off the stage at the April Fools Comedy Jam at Brooklyn’s Barclays Center, just days after he ripped the wig off fellow comedian Lauren Knight during an argument at an open mic in Atlanta. Comedy club owners around the country consider T.I. “ready to headline”.

The Biden Administration and the Department of Justice are expected to crack down on untraceable, home-assembled firearms called ‘ghost guns’. Or, as referred to by lead DOJ Attorney Shaggy: “g-g-g-g-g -GHOST GUNS!!”

Donald Trump endorsed former tv quack Dr. Mehmet Oz for the Republican nomination for a U.S. Senate seat in Pennsylvania. In turn, Oz looked at Trump’s physique and endorsed him for Mr. Universe.

Rapper Goonew – killed in a recent robbery – was memorialized at a D.C. nightclub with his embalmed corpse standing and leaning against a wall overlooking the dance floor. Mourners said he didn’t exactly look Goo-as-new.

Apple began manufacturing iPhone 13 in India – with students looking for activities during Spring Break.

Tish Cyrus filed for divorce from husband Billy Ray Cyrus. This is the third time their emotional achy has caused one of them to file for marital breaky.

Khloe Kardashian threw a huge, cat-themed 4th birthday party for her daughter, True. Baby daddy Tristan Thompson was interested in attending, since he heard that there was pussy everywhere.

Neurotic persons – those who encounter stress and behave with anger, self-consciousness & anxiety – are more likely to develop cognitive impairments later in life. On the bright side, that means they’ll forget how stressed-out and anxious they are.

Police arrested a Chicago-area man for burying his mother & sister in plastic containers in the backyard and cashing their Social Security checks. The man was jailed, and is no longer a Tupperware salesperson.

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Senate Democrats failed to advance voting rights legislation, losing 52-48, with black Democratic senators having to show their driver’s license and a second form of ID.

A West Virginia tv reporter was struck by a car during a live news segment about a water main break. The woman driving the car stopped to apologize, then went further up the block to score her meth.

Jury selection began in the trial of three Minneapolis police officers who stood by as fellow officer Derek Chauvin murdered George Floyd. So far, several jury candidates have been dismissed who either can’t say or spell the word “guilty” in one or two seconds.

An investigation found retired Pope Benedict XVI lied about having no knowledge of priest sexual abuse during his oversight of the Diocese of Munich in the 70s & 80s. So he went to confession and forgave himself because that’s how Catholicism rolls.

Khloe Kardashian is getting dragged on social media for selling her 3-year-old daughter’s used clothing online, with some items priced at $150 – or more, if the creeps buying ’em know they haven’t been washed.

19-year-old Zara Rutherford became the youngest woman to complete a solo round-the-world flight. She thanked her sponsors and the air traffic controllers who listened for hours as she discussed boys and girls she doesn’t like.

A third person in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania died after an Italian restaurant was found to be transmitting hepatitis A. As in “A, you no like-a the manicotti??”

Dolly Parton turned 76 on Wednesday, and the current iteration of her boobs turned 19.

Meghan Linsey, a runner-up on The Voice in 2015, got married. “Who?” asked Blake Shelton, Adam Levine & Kelly Clarkson.

A woman in Chester County, Pennsylvania was rescued after being stuck in the bathroom for four days. Her dinner date left.