Monday Jokes: January 13th

A 105-year-old Illinois woman successfully renewed her driver’s license. When she entered the DMV, she was 103.

New England Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman was arrested and charged with vandalism after allegedly damaging a vehicle by jumping on its hood. Local police overruled NFL referees on the scene who had sought to penalize the parked car.

Samsung introduced a new midpriced phone, the $499 Samsung Galaxy XCover Pro. The phone’s key feature is a removable battery, which Samsung says is easily swappable after the first one catches fire.

A man survived 20 days in the Alaskan wilderness after a fire burned down his remote cabin in mid-December. Amazon has called off the search for the missing drone delivering his Christmas presents.

The Supreme Court refused to hear a challenge to a New Hampshire law making it illegal for women to expose their breasts in public; but took the unusual step of issuing an opinion that Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg keep her top on anyway.

‘Joker’ led Oscar nominations with 11, infuriating both cinema purists and Commissioner Gordon.

Scarlett Johansson received Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress Oscar nominations. She would act delighted about the rare double-nomination if only it were in her emotional range.

Conservative group ‘One Million Moms’ publicly condemned a Burger King Impossible Whopper ad for profanity, because someone trying the burger says “damn that’s good.” Meanwhile, behind closed doors, children of the Million Moms ask “where’s my f***in juice box?”

A Baltimore Ravens fan collapsed and died climbing stairs during Saturday’s NFL game at M&T Bank Stadium, as his team collapsed and died on the field.

ESPN is reportedly set to offer Tony Romo between $10 million and $14 million annually, making him the highest-paid broadcaster in history. They’re also setting aside $50 million to convince Booger McFarland to quit.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s