Monday Jokes: September 21st

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed away. The remaining justices expressed their condolences in a 5-3 majority opinion.

Bryson Dechambeau won the U.S. Open Men’s Golf Championship by six strokes, in a tournament seen by millions during commercials while football games were on.

As part of contentious divorce proceedings, Dr. Dre’s estranged wife Nicole Young is asking for half ownership of the Dr. Dre name. Death Row Records tracks would be rereleased with credits to Dr. Nicole.

Christina Anstead, co-host of HGTV’s ‘Flip Or Flop’ with ex-husband Tarek El Moussa, separated from current husband Ant Anstead. Antstead is her second Flip and soon-to-be second Flop.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged over 500 points early Monday amidst fears of coronavirus and flu season. Stocks are poised to rebound now that the Dow promised to wear a sweater and take Vitamin C.

A woman suspected of sending a letter to the White House poisoned with ricin has been arrested. Her accomplice told her she should have put it in a Big Mac instead.

Royal Caribbean & Norwegian cruise lines submitted new health protocols to the CDC in hopes of gaining approval to sail again. They also submitted plans for new Hospice Cruises for people who wanted to die at sea, anyway.

Palm Springs, California airport is seeing an rapid expansion of air traffic, as travelers seek the dry desert air to escape coronavirus concerns when they come out as gay.

A rare ‘blue moon’ – the second full moon in a month – will light the sky on Halloween night. So trick-or-treaters can say they caught COVID-19 once in a blue moon.

An August 7th wedding in Maine has now been linked to 8 deaths from COVID-19, and more than 50 terrible gifts from cheap guests.

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