Thursday Jokes: February 18th

Indianapolis Museum of Art President Charles Venable resigned, after writing an insensitive job description for a new Director to “maintain their traditional, core, white art audience”. Residents of Indianapolis responded “.. we have an art museum?”

Tim Tebow is retiring from professional baseball after playing five seasons in the minor leagues. He plans to start a family with his wife once they figure out where babies come from.

Disneyland reopened the former Rainforest Cafe, vacant since 2018, as a Star Wars store. It’s been open several days, and park police have already arrested several Sand People for stealing droids.

Amidst power outages and freezing temperatures in Texas, Senator Ted Cruz was blasted for traveling to Cancun, Mexic – giving Texas; other Senator, John Cornyn, the distraction he needed to drive to Ft. Lauderdale and judge a wet t-shirt contest.

Facing proposed laws requiring social media platforms to pay news sites, Facebook blocked Australians from posting news articles. So good luck finding those cute baby kangaroo photos.

Gwyneth Paltrow said she is recovering from COVID-19, and still has symptoms like ‘brain fog’ and fatigue. However, she’s hopeful the healing jade egg she sells on Goop for $300 to stick in your vagina will work as advertised.

Rush Limbaugh died Wednesday, on ‘Random Acts of Kindness’ Day. “You’re welcome” said God.

A newlywed couple in South Korea were shocked to learn the Grand Josun Hotel sauna’s mirrored wall let other guests see them naked from the outside. Guests who paid to look in the sauna were shocked there wasn’t a better-looking couple in it.

Fourteen people in a Philadelphia suburb were arrested for illegally distributing 31 guns. Cops call it illegal firearms trafficking, defendants called it the best ‘Secret Santa’ ever.

Demi Lovato said she suffered three strokes, a heart attack and vision loss following a drug overdose. She also said her music has surged in popularity among nursing home residents, since they have so much in common.

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