Thursday Jokes: March 4th

Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves reacted to President Biden’s criticism of the state’s reopening, saying “Mississippians don’t need handlers”.. adding “we do need people that know how to count, and read, and who understand how medicine works, but not handlers.”

COVID-19 death rates are ten times higher in areas where the majority of the population is overweight. “We’re still reopening” said Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves.

First Lady Dr. Jill Biden shared her sympathy with teachers frustration at leading virtual classes, and concern over returning to in-person learning. Melania Trump agreed, saying it’s impacted her work teaching topless modeling classes.

Burger King Japan launched the Strong Magma One Pound Beef Burger – four quarter pound patties blended with garlic chips and hot japanese pepper powder. The “magma” is apparently the porcelain-melting result of eating it.

Disney is closing 60 Disney Stores – making it even tougher for lonely single women & men in their 40s & 50s to find home decor and apparel.

The latest rocket from Elon Musk’s SpaceX successfully landed vertically after a test flight in Texas, but then exploded several minutes later. Musk then asked the crew of his planned flight to Mars if they think they can de-board in three minutes on arrival.

Meghan Markle accused Buckingham Palace personnel of spreading rumors about her being a bully, and that she’ll personally beat the hell out whoever is doing it.

COVID-19 vaccines reportedly cause swelling in some women’s breasts – making demand for them even higher.

Data from the Common App – an application shared by over 900 colleges & universities, show fewer high-school grads are applying to college. Instead of forgiving student debt, they want the government to forgive their Grubhub bills.

Catholic bishops are discouraging followers from getting the Johnson & Johnson COVID-19 vaccine, which they say is derived from aborted fetuses. They would rather Catholics wait until there’s a vaccine derived from sexual abuse victims.

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