The Taliban said they’ll reinstitute barbaric punishments for crimes, such as cutting off hands of convicted thieves. However, they said they’ll keep the hands on ice in case the defendants win their appeal.

Arizona’s election audit by controversial pro-Trump consultants Cyber Ninjas confirmed Joe Biden won the state by an even larger margin than originally counted. It also confirmed that they’re the only Ninjas that conspicuously draw attention to themselves.

A Florida high school janitor was sentenced to prison for recording students in the girls bathroom using a cell phone hidden in a handicapped stall. Two dozen girls await trial for making a handicapped girl wait to use the stall.

Singer Billie Eilish said she lost 100,000 Instagram followers after posting a photo “because they don’t like big boobs”. Her totals were quickly restored thanks to the rallying efforts of Instagram creeps.

A flight attendant posted a photo of a man she thinks may be fugitive Brian Laundrie, acting “flustered” as he exited a Toronto, Canada hotel. The photo was reviewed by forensics experts, who determined it was just some other balding weirdo.

RAVE Reviews, a product review platform, said new research names KFC as The Most Hated Fast-Food Restaurant in 14 countries, including diverse locations like Singapore, Turkey, New Zealand & France. KFC execs said they’re looking forward to expanding to Afghanistan and Haiti.

Costco is placing purchase limits on toilet paper, restricting members to just three 100-roll packs per visit.

Delta Airlines wants other carriers to share their no-fly lists of unruly passengers in order to keep them from causing disturbances. Spirit Airlines wants the list to offer them membership in their Platinum Club.

Microsoft is allowing some users early access to Windows 11, so they can experience what it’s like to have their computers bricked by the latest operating system.

Apple’s iPhone 13 is now available. Government forecasters estimate a 5% loss in global productivity as coworkers make the mistake of asking “Is that the new iPhone?”