Friday Jokes: December 24th

Merry Christmas! Thanks for reading and enjoy a peaceful, healthy holiday. CD

Paraplegic GOP Congressman & Trump supporter Madison Cawthorn announced he’s divorcing his wife after just 8 months of marriage. Turns out the only thing close to an erection he can get is an insurrection.

Doctors and nurses are being harassed by unvaccinated COVID-19 patients demanding treatment with animal dewormer ivermectin while hospitalized. Then they’re refusing transfers to the barn where they can get the treatment they want.

Over 2,000 global flights were canceled on Christmas Eve as staff call out sick with COVID-19. Spirit Airlines is able to keep a full schedule, thanks to special Incubator Flights, where all passengers & crew must first test positive for COVID.

Pete Davidson was turned away at a California marijuana dispensary, supposedly for failure to produce proper ID. Luckily about a thousand local freelancers are willing to waive ID requirements.

Comet Leonard, also known as the Christmas Comet, will light up the night sky through the balance of December. “On Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen…On Leonard, Cupid, Donner & Blitzen” said a fat guy.

An 8-foot long acquatic dinosaur fossil found in the Nevada mountains may provide unique insights to evolution. It’s the oldest fossil in Nevada that isn’t standing in line for the buffet at Caesar’s Palace.

Caitlyn Jenner underwent knee replacement surgery, and is now another step closer to being a new woman with every bone in her body.

Alec Baldwin sent out a holiday message thanking those who supported him during the ‘Rust’ tragedy, saying he’d take a bullet for any of them, or maybe not.

Scientists discovered life 200 meters below the ice shelf in Antarctica. “So much for privacy” said the two emperor penguins who’d worked hard to get some alone time.

Tesla Auto announced they’ll no longer provide video games to play on the dashboard console. They made the announcement as the Tesla world record holder in Tetris was scraped out from under a tractor trailer.

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