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Heavy metal contamination of applesauce pouches that led to an FDA recall may have been deliberate. Although workers at the applesauce factory thought something completely different when a worker threatened to give people a belly full of lead.

Parents of students at Norristown High School in suburban Philadelphia are concerned about frequent fistfights at the school. Gym teachers say kids prefer doing that in class to jumping jacks & push-ups.

Guy Fieri said he won’t leave any of his money to his two sons unless they each get two degrees – presumably a bachelor’s and a postgraduate. He quickly added that Master’s degrees from Flavortown University don’t count.

Actor Jonathan Majors was found guilty of misdemeanor assault & harassment for attacking his ex-girlfriend, and was immediately dropped as Kang The Conqueror by Marvel Studios. The court failed to accept Majors defense that his girlfriend was wearing a Captain Marvel costume.

Kelly Clarkson showed off her 50-pound weight loss in a snug top & skirt on her talk show, before singing her hit song ‘Since U Been Gone‘ to a hot fudge sundae.

A U.S. Senate report says U.S. terror watchlists are “too broad” and may violate travelers rights. “You’re telling me” said an Iraqi-American dad who’s failed six times trying to fly his family to Disney World.

A dress worn by Princess Diana sold for a record $1.14 million. Meghan Markle immediately sent Prince Harry back to London to see what else his mother might have left laying around.

NASA used a laser to transmit a cat video 19 million miles to Earth. Hearing the good news, astronauts aboard the International Space Station are taking turns using the laser to transmit their boob & dick pics to Earthbound loved ones.

Disney’s Animal Kingdom in Florida welcomed the first African elephant baby born in the park in 7 years. A GoFundMe was started for the baby elephant so it could afford to eat at Disney.

A volcano erupted in Iceland, sending molten rock 300 feet into the air. “Nope” said Santa Claus, crossing Reykjavik off his travel itinerary.

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The New Jersey race for Governor is too close to call, and may take up to a week to determine which candidate won, and which gets whacked.

An Israeli court halted the auction of a tattoo kit, described by the seller as having been used on inmates at Auschwitz. The legality and authenticity are in question, since the tattoo templates are of a fighting leprechaun.

Facebook is ending its use of facial recognition technology, saying it will eliminate the face-recognition templates of over 1 billion people, and 50 million cats & dogs.

Zillow plans to lay off 25% of their workforce now that they’ve stopped buying and selling houses. The workers saw huge declines in their salary Zestimates.

Boston elected Michelle Wu as Mayor, the first woman and first person of color to hold the office. Things got off to a rough start during her victory speech when she said she can’t wait to sing ‘Take Me Out To The Ballgame’ for the Boston Celtics.

ISIS activity poses a threat to the new Taliban government in Afghanistan. “Yeah, maybe we sit this one out” said the United States.

Early reviews say Marvel’s ‘Eternals‘ debuts the first sex scene in the 13-year history of the Marvel Cinematic Universe – a claim disputed by purists insisting there’s a deleted scene of Ant-Man in the Wasp’s pants.

Astronauts aboard the International Space Station ate tacos made with green chiles grown in space. The leftovers will be returned to Earth and served at a public school cafeteria’s Taco Tuesday in 2025.

Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos reportedly had a lengthy dinner conversation with comedian Kevin Hart, to gauge Hart’s interest in offending the LGBTQ community.

Bravo announced a new ‘Housewives‘ spinoff series, ‘Real Housewives of Dubai‘. The kicker is, all the wives are married to the same guy.