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California Governor Gavin Newsom is threatening Florida Governor Ron Desantis with kidnapping & human trafficking charges after illegal immigrants were flown from Florida to Sacramento. Worse, the state of Florida took the immigrants cash for aisle seats and checked baggage fees.

Federal gun charges were filed against the mother of a 6-year-old who shot his teacher in Newport News, Virginia. The good news is, she’s now officially off-the-hook for Snack Mom duty.

Drug maker Merck is suing the U.S. government over their requirement that prescription drug prices be lowered for seniors on Medicare. Merck said the penalties are unfair, and that lowering the price of boner pills for horny old men in retirement communities will bankrupt them in a month.

Apple officially announced its $3,499 Vision Pro virtual reality headset. Apple’s CEO said they’re working on vr content to be offered via Apple TV+, and Apple XXX.

Disney’s ‘The Little Mermaid‘ bombed at the box office in China & South Korea, over what may be race-based backlash from casting a black actress as Ariel. Disney has bigger hopes in Asian markets for its other summer release, ‘The Little iPhone Factory Worker’.

The PGA Tour announced a surprise merger with the Saudi Arabian-backed LIV Golf Tour. The newly-merged pro golf league will kick off in the Middle East with the inaugural We Ordered The Murder Of Journalist Jamal Khashoggi Open.

A Harvard researcher developed a vaccine to curb feral cat populations by preventing ovulation in females. He got the idea after becoming frustrated getting feral cats to use condoms and take birth control pills.

State police in Michigan pursued a 10-year-old boy driving a stolen car. The 10-year-old carjacked the vehicle from the 12-year-old who stole it before him.

Viral video shows a man trying to retrieve a foul ball at a college baseball game trip, causing the child he was holding to smash their head on the ground. He was charged with an error, and the fielder’s choice of telling his wife the truth or lying about it.

A group of 685 people at a Malaysia shopping mall broke a record for the largest gathering of people dressed as Spider Man. The record was certified by a Guinness Book of Records adjudicator who’s apparently never been to San Diego ComicCon.

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Apple virtual reality headset, the Reality Pro, will reportedly cost $3,000 and run thousands of existing iPad apps, until you bump your head and the screen cracks.

Jeff Shell, CEO of Comcast’s NBC Universal division, was terminated after having an inappropriate relationship with a female employee. Like many NBC shows, Shell was cancelled.

The estate of Marvin Gaye is suing Ed Sheeran, saying one of his songs bears striking similarity to Gaye’s ‘Let’s Get It On’. Jurors will listen to Sheeran’s song until they beg ‘Let’s Shut It Off’.

McDonald’s is adding white onions to their signature burger patties while they’re on the grill instead of afterward. They’re receiving hundreds of complaints from customers who don’t want onions, but still want high levels of sodium, fat & calories.

Fans of Dancing With The Stars mourned the loss of former judge Len Goodman, who passed away at age 78. Funeral arrangements will be announced just as soon as pallbearers learn a proper Foxtrot.

Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders is selling “Real Woman” beer can ‘koozies’, apparently in response to the Bud Light trans controversy. Huckabee Sanders wants to appear on the outside of beer cans, since her picture is already on cans of Alpo.

Bed Bath & Beyond filed for bankruptcy, as creditors refused to honor coupons for 20% off their debt.

Only 1 in 3 fourth graders in the U.S. was at or above reading proficiency according to the Department of Education. 2 out of 3, however, were absolutely killing it at Fortnite.

Caitlyn Jenner said trans influencer-slash-Bud Light promo partner Dylan Mulvaney is “fringe” and “not good” for the LGBT movement. Jenner said she has “nothing in common” with Mulvaney, although even casual observers assume there’s at least one thing they both have.

Prince Harry will attend King Charles’ coronation, but will be placed ten rows back from other members of the Royal Family. Harry is reportedly furious at both the seat location, and the $80 in fees on top of the price of the seat at Ticketmaster.

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McDonald’s is bringing back Spicy McNuggets, after the FDA found they kill the coronavirus on customer’s unwashed hands.

Most U.S. states have reported cases of the U.K. coronavirus variant. People with the virus feel terrible, except for 3 to 4pm when the virus breaks for tea.

Messaging platform Discord shut down the WallStreetBets server, where individual investors had rallied to counter hedge fund positions in GameStop stock. Since 98% of the group was already on an Incel [Involuntarily Celibate] group server, it wasn’t a big deal.

Spacewalking astronauts attempted to fix a European science platform outside the International Space Station. One European astronaut died when he lifted his facemask after stepping outside to smoke.

A new study claims reflected light from the full moon changes people’s sleep patterns without their realizing it. It also changes sleep patterns of people who do realize it as they run from werewolves.

Apple is reportedly testing a virtual reality headset, that you can wear to imagine being someone who has $1,200 to spend on an iPhone.

Facebook’s Independent Oversight Board met for the first time, overturning several decisions to remove posts, including some involving adult nudity. So, see for yourself if you think Stormy Daniels accurately described Donald Trump’s hog.

Students at Liberty High in Florida – where school resource officer Ethan Fournier was recorded body-slamming a female student – want Fournier fired. The Chemistry Club has also cancelled Fournier’s order for tear gas.

COVID-sniffing dogs checked arriving fans at a Miami Heat game for the first time. Things went smoothly, but the dogs were shocked that Snausages cost $9 each.

People stranded in a snowstorm in Oregon while returning from a COVID vaccine clinic used leftover vaccines to innoculate other stranded motorists. Oregon officials told impatient seniors not to drive their cars into snow drifts to speed things up.