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For the first time ever, a Lifetime Christmas movie – ‘A Cowboy Christmas Romance‘ – features a sex scene. Copyright issues forced producers to switch out the film’s original title: ‘Brokeback Santa’s Workshop’.

Pope Francis canceled a planned trip to Dubai to attend a climate change conference because he’s still recovering from the flu – and not at all because his travel partner told him at the last minute that homosexuality is illegal in the United Arab Emirates.

A Virgin Atlantic Boeing 787 became the first jet to cross the Atlantic Ocean using sustainable, non-fossil fuel. Meanwhile, a Spirit Airlines Boeing 727 manufactured in 1963 became the first jet to barely make it from Chicago to Los Angeles on a quarter-tank of gas.

Kraft introduced vegan Mac & Cheese – just when you thought toddlers couldn’t possibly be even pickier douchebags.

Red Lobster said they recorded an $11 million quarterly loss on their Endless Shrimp promotion. Although final numbers aren’t yet available because a few hundred families that started over the summer are still going.

Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner’s alleged ex-girlfriend said he lied to ABC producers about their 3-year relationship after his wife died, and that he refused to take her to his high-school reunion because she gained weight. He ended their relationship by refusing to give her a rose. Or a text back. Or orgasms.

UK’s Metro Bank announced it was cutting 20% of its workers just weeks before Christmas. Metro Bank’s Board of Directors and CEO were then informed they’d each be visited by Three Spirits on Christmas Eve.

Trolls are accusing Beyonce of whitening her skin. Trolls are leaving Taylor Swift alone, because she couldn’t get any whiter if she tried.

Barry Manilow performed at the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting, and was criticized for his appearance by viewers who said he used too much Botox. Manilow clapped back, singing he can’t smile without it.

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Philadelphia 76ers guard Kelly Oubre Jr was the victim of a hit-and-run after the side mirror of a car struck him and broke his rib. Nevertheless, an NBA referee assessed Oubre with a blocking foul for moving when he was hit.

A FedEx employee is charged with stealing $99,000 worth of gold coins from a package. He was released on bail, and the coins were forwarded to their intended recipient, Scrooge McDuck.

The Marvels bombed at the global box office, turning in the lowest ticket sales ever for a Marvel Cinematic Universe film on its opening weekend. MCU Executive Producer Kevin Feige is now considering halting production on Ant Man’s Spring Break.

NASA astronauts Jasmin Moghbeli and Loral O’Hara completed maintenance during a spacewalk outside the International Space Station in just over six hours, despite dropping their tool bag. They spent twenty minutes tightening screws, and five hours floating to the ISS Home Depot for a new wrench.

Texas A&M fired head football coach Jimbo Fisher, but will pay him the $77 million remaining on his $95 million contract. Fisher said $95 million feels like fair payment for having to spend the past six years of his life living in Southeast Texas.

As prices of olives and olive oil surge, olive growers in Greece say thieves are cutting down trees and stealing them – resulting in some of the lowest-speed police pursuits ever recorded.

Barry Manilow explained why he didn’t come out as gay until 2017 – saying he assumed everyone figured it out in 1977.

Travis Kelce used the Kansas City Chiefs bye week to fly to Argentina and attend a Taylor Swift concert – while other single Chiefs teammates stayed in Missouri and had sex with several different women that no one’s ever heard of.

The New York Post reports that some migrants bused from the Southern Border to Chicago are deciding to return to their home country because the city’s resources are depleted. The migrants were given the choice of returning home, or giving it a go in Cleveland.

Leonardo DiCaprio’s ex-girlfriend Victoria Lamas was denied entry into the actor’s 49th birthday party. Lamas reportedly showed her ID and was turned away because she was over 21.

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Comcast Xfinity cable subscribers in Philadelphia experienced a service outage on Super Bowl Sunday afternoon. A spokesperson said vandalism was to blame, for a change.

The Philadelphia Eagles reportedly signed a two-week contract with Miami Dolphins defensive coordinator Vic Fangio to help prepare for the Super Bowl. The Eagles terminating the contract at halftime turned out to be a bad idea.

Background extras filming Joker 2 filed a complaint with the Screen Actors Guild over not getting bathroom breaks. Others complained they were only permitted to use the bathroom after correctly answering brain teasers from The Riddler.

A Pennsylvania tree service was fined over $100,000 after one of their workers died falling into a wood chipper. Asked at a hearing what remained of the body, the owner replied “not mulch”.

A Yale Economics professor suggested Japan solve its aging population problem by having the elderly commit mass suicide. He suggested ‘seppuku’ – disembowlment with a sword – but admits seniors eating 7-Eleven sushi makes more sense.

81-year-old Martha Stewart said she’s gifting a case of her wine, Martha’s Lighter Chard, to all of the “significant males in her life” for Valentine’s Day. Although the dogs probably can’t open the bottles.

Retired NFL player Adrian Peterson said he spoke to Damar Hamlin after criticizing the jacket Hamlin wore to the Super Bowl as “blasphemous”. Peterson said he would honor Hamlin by taking a new CPR class where victims are revived by beating them with a stick.

A Harvard-trained psychologist published 8 ‘toxic phrases’ that indicate your relationship is in trouble, including: “you’re pathetic”; “I hate you’; and “I don’t care what you think, I’m buying the Barry Manilow tickets.”

Barney the purple dinosaur is returning to tv as an animated character. His theme song has updated lyrics – “I love you, you love me…I no longer identify as ‘he’ “…

A 1908 Harley-Davidson sold for $935,000, making it the most expensive motorcycle ever sold at auction. The event was also noteworthy because the 110-year-old Hell’s Angels biker who owned it was arrested selling meth to an undercover cop.