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A couple ‘magnet fishing’ in Corona Park, Queens retrieved a metal safe containing $100,000 in waterlogged cash. A different couple ‘concrete block fishing’ in the East River caught multiple skeletons of Teamsters missing for decades.

President Biden issued an executive order shutting down the Mexican border once the count of illegal immigrants exceeds 2,500 per day. The Border Patrol is busy each morning installing delicatessen ticket rolls that go up to 2,499.

Thomas Manzo, ex-husband of Real Housewives of New Jersey Dina Manzo, was arrested for hiring a mobster to beat up her new boyfriend. Thomas Manzo was also sued for breach of contract by Bravo network for not letting them film it.

Hunter Biden is currently on trial for illegally purchasing a gun while using crack cocaine, a felony. His trial will be followed by a dozen defendants accused of selling guns while on a crack cocaine, a popular hobby in Wilmington, Delaware.

WNBA rookie Angel Reese of the Chicago Sky was ejected from the team’s loss to New York for back-to-back technical fouls. Reese, who earns $81,000/year, was assessed the league’s highest penalty – three games without makeup or false eyelashes.

Boeing’s Starliner spacecraft launched, sending two astronauts to the International Space Station. Boeing officials say the Starliner mission is going as planned, with the capsule door expected to blow off, dumping the astronnauts on to the ISS porch.

An oncologist said dying people’s four most common last phrases are “tell me you love me”; “I love you”; “forgive me”; and “I forgive you”…..followed by “turn up the tv”, among people who die more suddenly.

East Coast wildlife officials are warning of Joro spiders, venomous flying arachnids with 4-inch legs. They’ve been predicted to arrive in New York and New Jersey since 2022, but have had a tough time finding affordable housing.

A Philadelphia mother has gone viral for building a $29,000 ‘Cinderella castle’ for her daughter’s prom send-off. Her date’s father spent considerably less on his son’s prom send-off, $9 for a 3-pack of condoms.

The Marubo, a remote Brazilian tribe in the Amazon jungle was finally connected to the Internet thanks to Elon Musk’s Starlink service – but tribal leaders say many are now addicted to porn and social media. However, they don’t seem to mind the five-figure weekly checks for the Marubo Mamas OnlyFans.

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The New Jersey race for Governor is too close to call, and may take up to a week to determine which candidate won, and which gets whacked.

An Israeli court halted the auction of a tattoo kit, described by the seller as having been used on inmates at Auschwitz. The legality and authenticity are in question, since the tattoo templates are of a fighting leprechaun.

Facebook is ending its use of facial recognition technology, saying it will eliminate the face-recognition templates of over 1 billion people, and 50 million cats & dogs.

Zillow plans to lay off 25% of their workforce now that they’ve stopped buying and selling houses. The workers saw huge declines in their salary Zestimates.

Boston elected Michelle Wu as Mayor, the first woman and first person of color to hold the office. Things got off to a rough start during her victory speech when she said she can’t wait to sing ‘Take Me Out To The Ballgame’ for the Boston Celtics.

ISIS activity poses a threat to the new Taliban government in Afghanistan. “Yeah, maybe we sit this one out” said the United States.

Early reviews say Marvel’s ‘Eternals‘ debuts the first sex scene in the 13-year history of the Marvel Cinematic Universe – a claim disputed by purists insisting there’s a deleted scene of Ant-Man in the Wasp’s pants.

Astronauts aboard the International Space Station ate tacos made with green chiles grown in space. The leftovers will be returned to Earth and served at a public school cafeteria’s Taco Tuesday in 2025.

Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos reportedly had a lengthy dinner conversation with comedian Kevin Hart, to gauge Hart’s interest in offending the LGBTQ community.

Bravo announced a new ‘Housewives‘ spinoff series, ‘Real Housewives of Dubai‘. The kicker is, all the wives are married to the same guy.