An 88-year-old man arrived at a French hospital with a World War I artillery shell lodged in his rectum, forcing the facility to evacuate. The shell was removed by doctors, who were happy detonation was avoided by the lack of Mexican food in France.

U.S. law enforcement officers seized enough fentanyl to kill every American in 2022, and enough cash for Border Patrol officers to give themselves nice Christmas bonuses.

United States Postal Service trucks will transition from gas to electric by 2026, or whenever your 2022 Christmas deliveries arrive, whichever is later.

Allegiant Airlines failed to load any checked baggage on a flight from Bellingham, Washington to Oakland, California. Allegiant announced their baggage handlers will no longer be trained at Philadelphia International Airport.

A lawyer was kicked out of the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular because her law firm is suing the owner of Radio City. She’s now also suing for personal injury after being kicked by every Rockette on her way out.

New head of DC Comics movies James Gunn, having fired Henry Cavill as Superman, said no decision has been made regarding Gal Gadot’s status as Wonder Woman. Meanwhile, the Super Friends added Gunn to their list of Super Frenemies.

A massive winter storm across the U.S. promises to make this the coldest Christmas in decades, and colder still for every guy who buys their wife or girlfriend fitness equipment.

Outgoing Arizona Governor Doug Ducey will remove a border wall he commissioned, made out of stacked shipping containers. No word on plans for the 2,000 migrants living in the shipping containers.

The NHL’s Buffalo Sabres postponed Friday’s home game against the Tampa Bay Lightning due to what meteorologists are calling a “once in a generation” winter storm – or, what Buffalo residents are calling a “once every couple weeks” storm.

A new study finds red dye used in Skittles, Doritos and other snacks could trigger irritable bowel diseases – or, as they’re now known, Sour Cherry & Flamin’ Hot irritable bowel diseases.

Thousands of jellyfish are gathering along the coast of Rhode Island. It’s the largest assembly of spineless creatures since the Republican National Convention.

Louisiana’s Zaila Avant-garde, age 14, became the first African American winner in the 96-year history of the Scripps National Spelling Bee. She’s also the first junior high student in Louisiana to get 100 on a spelling test.

ICE plans to limit the detention of pregnant, nursing & post-partum illegal immigrants, angering Border Patrol workers who just got done painting detention centers pink & robin’s egg blue.

California authorities seized $1.19 billion in illegal marijuana trafficked by drug cartels. Then, California dispensaries announced a billion-dollar legal marijuana inventory blowout sale.

The Biden Administration will issue a directive to reinstate net neutrality rules, and allow renters to have greater flexibility in choosing internet service. The guidance says nothing about customer service or raising prices, so ISPs are generally cool with it.

The United Kingdom recently passed ‘right to repair’ statutes, requiring manufacturers make parts available for consumers to fix their own TVs, refrigerators & washing machines. The United Kingdom has also seen a rise in electrocutions.

NBA star and Khloe Kardashian ex-boyfriend Tristan Thompson was awarded $50,000 in a libel settlement against a woman who falsely claimed he fathered her child. Thompson requested that the money be paid in $1 bills.

‘Flip Or Flop’ star Christina Haack claims she smoked toad venom to deal with anxiety issues. She’ll star in a new spinoff, ‘Flip, Flop, Hop & Fly’.

‘Tiger King’ Joe Exotic’s ex-husband Dillon Passage announced he has a new boyfriend, John. No last name was given, but it’s speculated he’s John Ordinary.

Kim Kardashian is rebranding KKW Beauty products as she drops the West from her name following her pending divorce. She’s favoring KKK Beauty for Kim Kardashian Kosmetics.

Jeff and Mackenzie Bezos’ $38 billion divorce settlement is almost complete, according to a lawyer at a Lamborghini dealership.

New York City began enforcement of its styrofoam ban. Emergency rooms were overflowing with burn and ulcer victims as Dunkin started pouring coffee directly into customers’ mouths.

According to a new study, one in five Americans say they’ve been hurt by someone else’s drinking. Four out of five really appreciate having that wingman.

House Democrats are calling for the investigation of a Secret Facebook group where Border Patrol agents make jokes about migrant deaths and post vulgar images of Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. The group is launching their own investigation as to who wrecked the secret.

United Airlines apologized for putting a 14-year-old on the wrong international flight from Newark to Europe. They were able to get the teen on the correct flight, and compensated him with someone’s puppy they found in the cargo hold.

USA Today surveyed readers to find out the 25 most popular things they bought in the month of June. Not making the list? – USA Today.

Barnes & Noble opened a new store in Wilmington, Delaware. The new location is designed to be more customer-friendly, so they’ve widened the spaces between shelves to give drug addicts and vagrants more room to lie down.

Tom Brady posted an Instagram video of him cursing after hitting an errant tee shot while golfing, captioned with “when you forget the kids are in the cart”. Brady’s sons laughed, then got back to learning how to cheat at golf.

Walmart is using virtual reality headsets to test middle-management job candidates’ skills. So far, the virtual reality that elicits the best candidate response is the one where they work someplace other than Walmart.

A study finds over 50% of Americans are losing sleep worrying about money – and are even more pissed off their Fitbits keep telling them they need more sleep.

University researchers in Mexico have created a form of biodegradeable plastic from the juice of the prickly pear cactus. Great news if you care about the environment and don’t mind slicing your lip open drinking bottled water.