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American Airlines announced a round trip flight from Philadelphia to Brazil for the Eagles season opener. Brazil Customs is training agents to deal with a plane load of drunks replying “E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!..” when asked if they have anything to declare.

The Today Show profiled 110-year-old Vincent Dransfield of Little Falls, New Jersey, who lives on his own and drives his Hyundai sedan every day. A special summit between New Jersey home invaders and carjackers was held to see who gets first dibs.

Gene Simmons of KISS mentored competitors on American Idol. Female singers requested restraining orders and male singers said they didn’t have the $1,000 he demanded for a 10-minute conversation.

Cher & Mary J. Blige were among the new inductees to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. In other news Judas Priest was among the inductees to the Childrens Music Hall of Fame.

Donald Trump’s hush money case began in New York with opening arguments – starting with Trump in the hallway outside the courtroom arguing with nobody.

Younger voters claim American democracy is failing – not because of partisan politics or aging presidential candidates, but they’re worried they could lose TikTok.

Divorcing Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner and soon-to-be-ex Theresa Nist have a prenuptial agreement, and highly recommend it to others. They also recommend that it be prepared in 30-point typeface.

LPGA golfer Nelly Korda won the Chevron Championship, her fifth consecutive tournament win, bringing her total winnings to over $2.4 million this season, and bringing her text messages from WNBA players offering to be her caddy.

A school in Australia set off 2,013 confetti cannons at the same time to set a world record. The school janitor then announced he quit.

A British sheep farmer said he uses Axe Body Spray on his male sheep to mask hormones that keep them from fighting each other. The bad news is female sheep won’t breed with them because of the smell.

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Donald Trump is rumored to have lost weight using diabetes drugs like Ozempic or Mounjaro. However, Trump’s doctor said he “has reduced his weight through an improved diet and continued daily physical activity.” Then firefighters were called to the doctor’s office to extinguish his pants.

A U.S. Postal Service letter carrier in Philadelphia was robbed at gunpoint by a man demanding the keys for mailboxes. The robber took the keys and finished his route in half the time.

The state of California is concerned that LA Dodgers superstar Shohei Ohtani is dodging taxes by deferring $680 million of his record-breaking contract. Ohtani is also concerned that he has a structured settlement but he needs cash now.

Cosmopolitan magazine released a special ‘Sex After 60’ issue. It contains 50 pages of ads, and is 53 pages total.

Child researchers say screen time for children younger than two years old could lead to sensory development issues and learning disabilities. The problem is particularly bad for babies sitting in their grandparents lap while they watch Fox News.

A viral TikTok video features a woman claiming to use LinkedIn as a dating app. Then after the dates she endorses the men for skills like Orgasm Management.

NBA star Ja Morant of the Memphis Grizzlies – who’d been suspended for social media videos waving a handgun – will miss the remainder of the season with a shoulder injury. Both the suspension and injury left Morant unable to shoot.

Lawyers for Donald Trump in his presidential immunity hearing offered a “qualified yes” when asked if a president is immune from prosecution for ordering Navy SEALs to kill a rival candidate. Trump explained Joe Biden is President of Al Qaeda.

The World Economic Forum shared their 10-year outlook, saying the world could suffer catastrophic consequences in the next decade, citing climate change, artificial intelligence, and the reintroduction of the Double Big Mac.

Armed men stormed a TV station in Ecuador during a live broadcast and took several station workers hostage, amidst the nation’s battle with drug gangs. Concerned viewers were frightened, but also frustrated at having to wait until the 11 O’Clock News to find out what happened.