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Skytrax, an airline review group, named Qatar Airways the World’s Best Airline, and Delta Air Lines the Best North American Airline. American Airlines and Frontier received special recognition for Most Creative Use Of Duct Tape.

A Florida woman was arrested after being found nude and “pleasuring herself” in the back seat of a Jeep at an auto dealership. “I’ll take it!” said a customer following his overnight test drive.

Homeland Security chief Alejandro Mayorkas said that 1 in 5 illegal immigrants of the thousands gathered at the Del Rio, Texas border are now ill – a mix of COVID-19, and complications from food donated by local Taco Bell restaurants.

The Philadelphia Flower Show, which was held outdoors in 2021 for the first time due to the pandemic, will be held outdoors again in mid-June, 2022. This year’s theme will be Resuscitating Senior Citizens Experiencing Heat Stroke.

R. Kelly was convicted on all counts of racketeering and sex trafficking. He awaits sentencing and is much less convinced in his belief that he can fly.

French President Emanuel Macron was struck by an egg thrown at him while he attended a food fair. Macron is fine, and happy that the egg was used for something original and not put on a hamburger.

Alexandra Souveneva, 30, is charged with starting one of the large California wildfires, the Fawn Fire. Souveneva was reportedly “hiking to Canada” and started the fire to boil water. Souveneva’s attorney said she’s not good at judging distances or cooking.

Former UFC champion Ronda Rousey welcomed a daughter, her first child with husband Travis Browne. Rousey shared an Instagram snap of the child breastfeeding, then she switched to her right breast because her left had tapped out.

The parents of Brian Laundrie – wanted in the murder of Gabby Petito – called the cops when Dog The Bounty Hunter showed up on their lawn. The Laundries told police they’ve had stray dogs on their property, but that this one is the mangiest.

A Chinese man died of liver failure after he chugged 1.5 liters of Coca-Cola in 10 minutes. In addition to liver trauma, an autopsy revealed his throat suffered severe burns from the minute-long belch before he died.

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Kid Rock scolded audience members for recording his show in Nashville, calling them “f*cking f@ggots with their iPhones out”. He closed the show wishing everyone a Happy Pride Month.

The FBI used undercover agents to convince criminals to use a messaging app, ANOM, that they created, resulting in 800 arrests in 16 countries. They hope for similar results capturing lonely crime lords with their new dating app.

The Dept of Justice recovered $2.3 million paid by fuel conglomerate Colonial Pipeline to ransomware hackers. President Biden cancelled a planned celebratory news conference after he was told he couldn’t pose behind a table stacked with Bitcoins.

FBI agents were able to retrieve the Colonial Pipeline ransom by getting the password to the hackers Bitcoin wallet – ‘Bitcoin1’.

McDonald’s CEO claims higher wages are accelerating the company’s move to more automated restaurants, where digital assistants take orders, and robots forget to put french fries in the bag.

Kim Kardashian’s security team is investigating an anonymous package sent to her, containing a diamond engagement ring and Plan B birth control pills. Kim’s first goal is to figure out if it came from a handsome rapper or NBA star.

‘General Hospital’ star Kristen Storms said she underwent brain surgery. Now that her brain is repaired, she said she’s unable to enjoy soap operas.

Paula Abdul underwent ‘breast revision’ surgery. Abdul said that, as a dancer with a short frame, larger implants were harder on her back, and scuffing her tap shoes.

Fastly, a content delivery network that speeds load times for websites, crashed Tuesday morning, causing widespread Internet service outages. Fastly worked quickly & diligently to fully & completely remedy sites loading slowly or incompletely.

French President Emanuel Macron was slapped in the face during a public appearance. He was pulled away, then handed a pistol so he and the man could complete their duel.

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Wisconsin’s Health Department is asking residents not to eat ‘cannibal sandwiches’. The sandwich – raw beef on bread with onions, salt & pepper – is a local Xmas tradition. Two dozen people have already been hospitalized eating Cannibal McRib.

The FDA approved the first rapid-result at-home COVID-19 test. Although many women are reporting false negatives because they’re urinating on it.

Adam Gase, head coach of the 0-13 New York Jets, answered “yes” to a reporter asking if he thinks he let the team down. Gase added that he thinks the team has let him down, too, by not firing him yet.

Google’s smartphone keyboard Gboard is adding an “enhanced voice typing” mode. Now you can just say “go duck yourself”.

A gay male Texas high-school student suspended for painting his fingernails said he’ll continue his fight – vowing to press on.

A Spirit Airlines plane skidded off the runway at Baltimore/Washington Airport on Thursday morning. No one was injured, but passengers knocked out of their aisle seats were charged $49 to get back in them.

An eight-year-old Canadian boy was embarrassed by a large red birthmark on his torso, so his Dad spent 30 hours getting a matching tattoo of it. The kid was less impressed when he found out Dad’s tattoo covered up a portrait of Vanilla Ice.

France’s President Emanuel Macron tested positive for COVID-19 and is reportedly symptomatic with a fever and shortness of breath. He’ll quarantine and cut back his smoking to a pack a day.

Parents from Mount Healthy, Ohio face charges after renting a bus and packing it with 60 maskless kids for their child’s 14th birthday. The bus was pulled over in nearby Mount Fluish.

Two Democratic senators introduced the College Athletes Bill of Rights – proposing a way for student-athletes to be fairly paid for their name, image & likeness. “I can’t wait to get rich!” said a delusional Division III cross-country team member.