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A study finds users of weight loss drug Wegovy maintain lower weight for up to four years – but are advised to hang on to those old pants just in case.

Joe Biden offered to debate Donald Trump with specific conditions, including that there not be an audience, that microphones cut off after alotted speaking time, and that the whole thing is wrapped up before 7pm bedtime.

McDonald’s is ending their policy of free drink refills, and reminding everybody they never had a free french fry refill policy to begin with.

Tree ring analysis was used to determine 2023 as the hottest summer in 2000 years. Then the scientists were arrested for cutting down 2000-year-old trees.

Graduates of Dyouville University in Buffalo, New York were given a commencement address by a robot using artificial intelligence. The robot told them to hurry up and leave town before winter.

Walgreens is offering its own cheaper version of opioid overdose drug naloxone. You get one free with every 10 oxy contin refills.

Google CEO Sundar Pichai demonstrated the company’s new Gemini AI, which has been updated to share more information, interact with others, find objects around the house, make schedules and do shopping. When he was done, dozens of single men & women proposed to Gemini.

The Portal – identical sculptures in Dublin & New York connected via live streaming video – has been temporarily shut down due to on-camera users flashing body parts, and because kids in both cities skip school to visit it hoping to see women & men flash body parts.

The sun shot out its biggest solar flare in two decades – then rolled over and lit a cigarette.

A Florida dentist faces calls to lose his license after publicly calling Jews “worse than Nazis” and calling on Allah to ‘annhilate’ them. Worse, he had the statements printed on the free toothbrushes he hands out to patients.

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Rappers Snoop Dogg and Master P sued Walmart for breaching a deal to sell their breakfast cereal. Walmart countered, saying kids don’t want to smoke cereal for breakfast.

Apple is reportedly working on a foldable iPhone, and will begin selling it once they figure out how to make the screen break when it’s folded closed and dropped.

A Florida mom said her kids were expelled from a Catholic School because she advertised her OnlyFans page with a decal on her car. The school said she’s promoting pornography, and stealing traffic from the OnlyFans pages of priests & altar boys raising money for the school.

Google is changing the name of its artificial intelligence assistant from Bard to Gemini, and launching a paid subscription Gemini app. College students now have to figure out how to pay Gemini with Adderall and beer when it writes their term papers.

A volcano in Iceland erupted for the second time this year, sending molten lava 260 feet in the air. Iceland’s Tourism Board called the eruption “not great for our name brand”.

Scientists in England set a record by creating a nuclear fusion reaction for 5 seconds. They see it as a huge step forward in the pursuit of limitless clean energy, but a disappointment since none of them turned into The Hulk.

A hiring expert claims only half of job candidates have questions ready for interviewers when asked “Is there anything you’d like to ask me?” They advise asking about the role, coworkers & company, and not “Are those real?”

Trader Joe’s recalled frozen ‘chicken, lentil & caramelized onion pilaf’ because it may contain rocks. The FDA has launched a broader investigation to the safety protocols of supplier Flintstone Foods.

Taylor Swift released the track list for her new album, ‘The Tortured Poets Department’, and Swifties speculate some are about her breakup with British actor Joe Alwyn, including ‘So Long, London’; ‘The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived” and ‘Joe Alwyn Has A Puny Dick And I’m Glad To Be Banging A Huge NFL Player’.

Finland’s flagship airline Finnair will begin weighing passengers in addition to luggage for what they call “balance calculations” for enhanced safety, and what they call “improved traction” for seating heavier passengers above the wheels.