Police officers in Pennsylvania used Narcan to save the same man who overdosed 3 times in 72 hours. Cops were left with no choice but to arrest the manager of the donut shop for dealing heroin.

South Carolina Republicans failed in their effort to enact a ban on abortion that begins at the moment of fertilization. They’ll regroup and attempt to ban abortion at the moment of ‘U Up?’ text.

Shares of gun maker Smith & Wesson dropped as the company cites a decline in demand. They’re considering lower prices to get the stock to shoot back up again.

The Vietnamese government arrested a famous noodle vendor, Bui Tuan Lam, for “anti-state” activity criticizing the ruling Communist party and uslurping their authority.

Queen Elizabeth died at her summer home in Balmoral Castle. Her alleged pedophile son Prince Andrew is in mourning at his summer home, Bal-Immoral Castle.

King Charles II arrived at Buckingham Palace after visiting Balmoral Castle to make sure his mother was really dead.

Charles’ & the late Princess Diana’s son, Prince William, is now next in line for the throne, despite his visibly receding heir line.

After losing the first set of her US Open semifinal, top seed Iga Swiatek credited feeling “lighter” following a bathroom break for her three-set win, rallying back from deuce.

Two animal rights activists ran onto the field with pink smoke flares during Thursday’s NFL Kickoff game between the Buffalo Bills & Los Angeles Rams. They protested animal cruelty in the form of broken limbs and concussions suffered by Bears, Bengals, Dolphins, etc…

Kris Jenner passed a lie detector test on The Late Late Show With James Corden when denying she helped daughter Kim Kardashian release her infamous sex tape. She also passed when asked if she convinced son Rob Kardashian no one wanted to see him have sex.

Katelyn McClure and Mark D’Amico – accused of stealing from the $400,000 donations in the GoFundMe account they’d set up for Johnny Bobbitt, Jr, who’d helped a stranded McClure – will “likely” face criminal charges. McClure & D’Amico are exploring whether to set up another GoFundMe to donate money to a good lawyer.

A treasure of 300 Roman-era gold coins dating from 474 B.C. was found underneath an old Italian theater by a construction crew. One of the workers was hospitalized after attempting to eat the chocolate inside of one.

Evacuations are underway in the Carolinas as Hurricane Florence is estimated to be a Category 4 hurricane when it makes landfall…and trees fall…and just about everything fall.

President Trump spoke in Shanksville, PA at the September 11 memorial there for United Airlines Flight 93, calling the tragedy ‘a moment when America fought back’. Americans joined together in private reflection regarding that, and November, 2016, a tragedy remembered as ‘a moment when America gave up.’

In an interview with GQ magazine, Paul McCartney said that he, John Lennon and some friends were so bored in their pre-Beatles days that they would turn out the lights and masturbate at the same time. McCartney said it was around this time that he discovered he liked to play his instrument left-handed.

Rumors are circulating regarding a possible breakup between pro golfer Dustin Johnson and his fiancée, Paulina Gretzky. Johnson has been linked to a member of his home club, Yassie Safai. Safai may be driving a wedge between Johnson and Gretzky, while Johnson has yet to deny playing a 2nd hole.

Kourtney Kardashian shared a racy photo of herself in a Burberry bikini top, and claimed in a caption that she is able to maintain a body weight of 98 pounds by jumping on a box 30 times a day. In a related story, her sister Khloe’s cheating boyfriend Tristan Thompson said during Cleveland Cavaliers road trips, he jumps on up to 30 boxes a week.

A co-founder of Tek Dry, a company that dries out waterlogged personal electronics, says that the first thing you should do if your phone becomes wet is to shut it off until it’s dry. The second thing to do is get ready to answer 20 questions from your wife or girlfriend about why you weren’t answering your phone.

Educators are debating the need to have opioid-overdose-reducing drug Narcan in elementary schools. For use on the kids, anyway.

New research funded by venture capital billionaire Peter Thiel suggests that age-related illnesses could be lessened with transfusions of younger-persons’ blood. Thiel presented the findings in his basement, at 2a.m., while wearing a black cape.

A woman saved her yellow labrador’s life with Narcan after the dog chewed open a bottle of oxycodone and overdosed. The dog fully recovered and now works as a counselor to other dogs struggling with opioids.

A Utah dog retrieved help for two girls struck by lightning. Rescuers eventually found the girls, after first misunderstanding the dog say there was trouble at the old mill.

A worker was suspended for punching an EasyJet passenger in the face after an altercation at the airport in Nice, France. Or as it’s now known, Not-So-Nice, France.

New series Star Trek:Discovery will introduce Lieutenant Stamets, the first openly gay character in the Star Trek Universe — a claim disputed by those who served on the Enterprise with Sulu and Data.

A British man totaled a new $260,000 Ferrari less than an hour after driving it off the lot. The man survived the fiery wreck and said his only regret was insuring the car with The General.

Katie Couric is leaving Yahoo. “Who? What?” said everyone under 30.

A pregnant ob/gyn went in to labor after starting to deliver her patient’s baby just minutes earlier. She told the patient to push twice – once with her hips to push the patient’s baby out, and once with her hands to hold the doctor’s baby in until she was done.

A woman called 911 to report a boa constrictor repeatedly biting her face. The 911 Operator told the woman how lucky she was, since boa constrictors usually just crush people to death.

The Chicago Cubs will give a 2016 World Series ring to infamous fan Steve Bartman. Bartman will receive two rings – one to keep and one to drop.

A new study in the journal Frontiers of Public Health states that Overfat people – those of normal body weight with too much fat in their bodies – are a growing at-risk subset of the population. Overfat people replied that they prefer the term Well-Marbled.

Los Angeles will host the 2028 Summer Olympics. Crowds of excited locals are expected to arrive at the games in the autumn.

Anthony Scaramucci is out as White House Communications Director after just one week – according to a statement he released to himself.

A U.S. District Court of Appeals sided with a consumer advocacy group, saying the FAA needs to reconsider regulating the narrowing widths of airline seats. Airlines countered that narrower seats are needed to create wider aisles to drag passengers.